Thursday, October 19, 2006
Yet More Proof That Cats Are Satan's Spawn
I know you cat people love your little furballs. But the little liars are misleading you, walking you down the rosy path. They only pretend to like you, in order to get you close enough to try to claw out your eyes. They dig around in a box of shit, then walk on your kitchen counter in an effort to poison you. A cat in Michigan last year shot its owner with a 9mm handgun. And everybody knows they suck the breath out of babies. The folks at Snopes have been somehow co-opted by the sandpaper-tongued little imps.
Now there's this: A cat set a disabled little old lady's house on fire in Wisconsin. The lady would have died, but for the valor of her trusted and loyal dog, Jesse. He fetched her a phone to call 911, along with her artificial leg so she could get out of the house. After getting his owner out, in a shining example of selflessness, Jesse went back in for the cat, losing his life in the attempt.
No doubt the cat used the rescue attempt as cover to ambush the brave dog, leaving him for dead. The cat made good his escape and by now is a "stray," nuzzling up against the leg of some well-meaning Samaritan in an effort to gain a foothold in a new home. Won't be long now before the new guy inexplicably trips on his way to the bathroom late at night, succumbing to a fatal head injury.
Beware, cat people. Beware. You could be next.
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Now there's this: A cat set a disabled little old lady's house on fire in Wisconsin. The lady would have died, but for the valor of her trusted and loyal dog, Jesse. He fetched her a phone to call 911, along with her artificial leg so she could get out of the house. After getting his owner out, in a shining example of selflessness, Jesse went back in for the cat, losing his life in the attempt.
No doubt the cat used the rescue attempt as cover to ambush the brave dog, leaving him for dead. The cat made good his escape and by now is a "stray," nuzzling up against the leg of some well-meaning Samaritan in an effort to gain a foothold in a new home. Won't be long now before the new guy inexplicably trips on his way to the bathroom late at night, succumbing to a fatal head injury.
Beware, cat people. Beware. You could be next.
