Wednesday, November 22, 2006
I'll Bet You Didn't Know......
Little known facts about Thanksgiving:
Just one of them big-ass cans of pumpkin stuff can make three shallow dish pies.
Them big-ass cans of pumpkin stuff are actually designed for deep-dish pies. Oops.
If you read that article in Tuesday's Arizona Republic about fat and calorie counts in traditional Thanksgiving dishes, you deserve to have your ass kicked.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is still fracking hilarious, especially that part where Snoopy fights the lawn chair.
Whoever put a Madonna concert on NBC the night before Thanksgiving should be cavity searched by a sadistic baboon with herpes and a cattle prod. She's a disgusting skank, whether or not they edit out her mock crucifixion.
If you ask nicely, the funny-looking frizzy-haired stock clerk at Fry's in Chandler will practically kill himself looking for one more box of them brown 'n serve rolls.
Almost nobody eats pickled carp and rutabagas for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving was actually invented in 1952 by a guy named Ed, because he wanted a day off from his job at Mayflower Movers in Newark.
Thanksgiving football games are actually played with actors. The real players stay home and watch on TV.
That cranberry jelly-looking shit is virtually inedible by normal human beings, but is really cool when shot from a potato gun.
If you sculpt your mashed potatoes into a little tiny Devils Tower, people will think of you as unique.
If you "bowl" a 21 lb. frozen turkey down the hallway towards your sleeping golden retriever, it scares the bejeezus out of her when it hits the door at the end of the hall.
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Just one of them big-ass cans of pumpkin stuff can make three shallow dish pies.
Them big-ass cans of pumpkin stuff are actually designed for deep-dish pies. Oops.
If you read that article in Tuesday's Arizona Republic about fat and calorie counts in traditional Thanksgiving dishes, you deserve to have your ass kicked.
A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving is still fracking hilarious, especially that part where Snoopy fights the lawn chair.
Whoever put a Madonna concert on NBC the night before Thanksgiving should be cavity searched by a sadistic baboon with herpes and a cattle prod. She's a disgusting skank, whether or not they edit out her mock crucifixion.
If you ask nicely, the funny-looking frizzy-haired stock clerk at Fry's in Chandler will practically kill himself looking for one more box of them brown 'n serve rolls.
Almost nobody eats pickled carp and rutabagas for Thanksgiving.
Thanksgiving was actually invented in 1952 by a guy named Ed, because he wanted a day off from his job at Mayflower Movers in Newark.
Thanksgiving football games are actually played with actors. The real players stay home and watch on TV.
That cranberry jelly-looking shit is virtually inedible by normal human beings, but is really cool when shot from a potato gun.
If you sculpt your mashed potatoes into a little tiny Devils Tower, people will think of you as unique.
If you "bowl" a 21 lb. frozen turkey down the hallway towards your sleeping golden retriever, it scares the bejeezus out of her when it hits the door at the end of the hall.
