Parrothead Ramblings

Good thing I wasn't born in June, when
Cherry Pink and Apple Blosson White was #1.

I'm headed at a downhill run to the big 5-0 in a couple of months, been a huge music lover for pretty much all of those years, and it suddenly dawned on me: I don't know my birth song. Birthstone, sure, but not birthsong.

I had no idea what the #1 song in the nation was on the day I was born. That could be important, couldn't it? To know what music was playing in those first few days you poked your head out into this planet? I mean, it might explain a lot. It's sort of like the fictional duckling who bonds to the first critter it sees when it opens its eyes. Maybe we bond to the first music we hear.

I know what you're thinking: "But Crime Dog, I don't listen to Pop Music, I don't even know what's on the charts." I hear you. I don't listen to much pop music, either. I don't think it has the heart and soul of......well, it sucks. Bad. I haven't always felt that way. When I was much younger, I listened to whatever was playing on the popular radio stations. Some 50-ish asswipe was probably bitching then that popular music sucked, and he was right from his own perspective. So, my kids all probably heard what was popular at the time the ol' curtain went up on their lives. Maybe it was the same for me.

August 31, 1955. The #1 song in the nation? Bill Haley's Rock Around The Clock.

Wow. That hits home. See, I'm enamored of clocks. Got'em everywhere. I still own the same watch I wore when I was in high school, I got digital clocks, satellite clocks, cuckoo clocks, mantle clocks, anniversary clocks, and like ten wristwatches. My dream is to own a good quality, beautiful grandfather clock someday, but I've never been able to part with the cash.

That being so close to home, I looked up my family:

The Fetching Mrs Crime Dog: Elvis, Don't Be Cruel. She's the kindest, gentlest human being on the planet. Not a cruel bone in her body.

Bo: John Denver, I'm Sorry. Truth be known, Calypso comes from the same album, and I can unconditionally guarantee you her little ears heard that LP many, many times. Now you can't visit her home without tripping over the gazillion freakin' dolphins in various shapes and sizes she has all over the place.

MJ: Andy Gibb, Shadow Dancing. Every time this song came on, I cursed and changed stations. MJ now hates disco. Voila! He's more of a metal man. The back of his head is flat from banging it into his headrest.

Z-Man: Queen, Another One Bites The Dust. Nothing Z-Man likes better than Texas Hold 'Em, and this song could be the poker anthem. I just hope he gets to sing it more than his ooponents, or one day he'll be in a meeting, sitting in a circle, saying "Hello. My name is Z." Other members: "Hellooooo Z......"

Joe E: Minnie Riperton, Lovin' You. Hmmm. There's just no way I can segue that into anything. Just ain't happening. Oh, wait....I always heard that the late Minnie Riperton had a five-octave voice. Joe E does, too. I was with him the day he saw his first wild tarantula, and I'm pretty sure he used all five of them. He's a tough guy, but he has a serious distaste for arachnids.

So, what's your birth song? You can trust the Crime Dog. Fess up.
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