Parrothead Ramblings

How can anybody pass this up?

Man, sometimes I just don't understand how things work. It gets downright frustrating. Take today for instance. As my loyal readers know, The Crime Dog clan is going through the construction hassles of putting in a swimming pool at the ol' dog house. But Billy Clyde ain't insane, so there'll never be any doubt that the pleasure was worth all the pain.

What now seems like a decade ago, Thor and his crew showed up to dig this big-ass hole in my yard. To get the Bobcat down my sideyard, they had to move all of the shit that I've been ignoring for so long: Ladybug's unused kiddie car, my old utility trailer, a camper shell, and loads of other long-forgotten crapola. So now this castoff detritus is right out there in the yard, in my line of vision, like a garage sale from Hell. It taunts me several times per day. I hate it.

The main focus of my hatred is that stupid camper shell. I sold the '85 S10 pickup that belonged to it sometime in the previous millenium, and forgot to give it to the buyer. It's too big to fit in my dumpster, and the bulk pick-up guys drive by like it's not even there. So there it sits, leaning against my backyard fence like an ass-wart.

Today, I called Savers and Goodwill Industries, and neither of them want the damned thing. I thought that a little strange, since it's perfectly usable. Well, except for a broken window. Nothing a new window or even some duct tape couldn't cure.

So, I did the next best thing: I called the Arizona Repulsive Republic and told them to run an ad for a "camper shell, free to good home anyone willing to haul off the carcass." They're perfectly willing to do that for the nominal fee of $40.00 for eight days.

Huh?

No, I explained to the nice young man, you see, the shell is not worth the $40 it will take to run the ad. Just run it for two days. Sure, the guy says, no problem, That'll be $55.00.

Huh?

Yep, that's right. It costs less to run the ad for eight days than for two. I thanked the young feller and hung up. I'm just too cheap to spend $40 giving something away.

There is a solution, however. You see, The Fetching Mrs Crime Dog and I were cruising down the street Saturday when we came across a couch occupying an opposing lane. Right smack in the middle of Warner Road. Center lane. Two couches, actually, but one was stacked neatly on top of the other. On the return trip, we noticed someone had stacked them beside the road, safely out of the way. I'm guessing those dudes from bulk pick-up have already hauled the things off by now.

So, I need a volunteer. Someone who either wants an S-10 camper shell for free, or is willing to "accidentally" drop it in the middle of Warner Road, so the bulk guys can't ignore it. Hell, I'll even pay $20. Half the price the Repulsive Republic wanted. Helluva deal, eh?
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