Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Stick Lizards, Hoop Snakes, and Swimming Pools
Nature's little miracle: The Sonoran Stick Lizard in action.
I was out playing golf Sunday afternoon with Joe E when it suddenly dawned on me:
It was hot. Really hot.
I tend to ignore the weather channel girl with her perfect weather curl most of the time, so I had no idea we were breaking some kind of sick, twisted record. It seems it was all of 112 degrees out there, which falls precisely between "hotter than the brass hinges of Hell" and "hotter than a two-peckered billy goat." Hardy har har.
There's no shortage of Arizona heat one-liners. They're just not very funny.
It's so hot, I saw a dog chasing a rabbit today. They were both walking.
It's so hot, drug dealers are selling something called "Iced Crackuccino."
It's so hot, hookers are charging 50 dollars just to blow on you.
So, we adapt. We learn to select parking spots based not upon distance, but upon shade. We learn how to drive with just two fingers, swapping them out every few seconds. It's natural adaptation at work, which I believe is best exemplified by our little friend, the Sonoran Stick Lizard. This desert-dweller has it all figured out. He knows he can't slide in to Circle K for a Slurpee, or kick the A/C up to high. Hell, he can't even sweat. So what does he do? He carries a stick in his mouth. A nice, cool stick. He runs across the pizza-oven scorching desert floor until his feet get too hot, then he stops, drops the stick, and stands on it for a moment until his feet cool off again. Then, it's grab the stick and haul ass on the next leg of his journey. Amazing. I'm told the Sonoran Stick Lizard is a close relative of the Mogollon Rim Hoop Snake, which can actually grab its tail in its own mouth and roll across the desert floor like a wheel. That way, no part of its body is in contact with the ground long enough to get uncomfortable. Brilliantly designed animals!
Of course, we humans are the real masters of adaptation. We master the heat with air conditioners, cold beer, and swimming pools. I have the A/C and the cold beer thing down pat, but the swimming pool? Well, that's another story for another day. Stay tuned.
