Parrothead Ramblings

Go ahead, make my day. Please.

I was driving along today listening to the radio when a Michael Jackson song came one. Isn't it now illegal to play that perverted shit? All those songs like Thriller and Beat It were never really my thing anyway, but now they just make my skin crawl. Whether or not they pack his guilty ass off to prison, I hope he never, ever records another song, for no other reason than that he sucks.

I suppose his extremely high suck factor puts him in pretty good company though, because there is an ass load of really, really shitty music on the airwaves. One of my first acts when I become Supreme Parrothead Ruler of the Universe will be to permanently ban DRALS (Disco, Rap, and Lip Sync) from the planet forever. Disco is dead, thank God, but rap just will not go away. Never has there been a more talent-free art form, if it can truly be called an "art form." Well, except maybe that Jackson Pollock guy. What was the deal with him? Dude just flung gallons of paint onto a chunk of canvas and was pronounced a "genius." That shit looks like a paint booth floor in a body shop. The guys who paint that 3D shit on sidewalks are a helluva lot better, and so is this guy I once saw who spray painting space pictures using kitchen tools for stencils.

Granted, I'll never figure out some of this so-called "art," but I know worthless un-listenable shit when I hear it on the radio. Along with sanctions on DRALs, in The Crime Dog's Perfect Parrothead Universe, it will be a felony to play any of the following:

1) Madonna. Like A Virgin? Maybe when you were 11, you scum queen.
2) Brittany Spears and all of her skanky clones, like those Simpson sisters and
that one that looks like an anorexic hooker, Christina something-or other.
3) Marilyn Manson. Just what the FUCK is that guy's problem, anyway?
4) Any American Idol, except that Bo guy. He's cool in an Allman
Brothers/Lynyrd Skynyrd sort of way.
5) Air Supply. The Vienna Boy's Choir of pop music. They must have had their balls
surgically removed.
6) Debbie Boone. You Light Up My Life has ruined more weddings than
alcohol and bridesmaid/groomsman back room quickies combined.
7) Cher. Would you please put something on? You're built like a flagpole.
8) Richard Harris. Who the fuck cares if your cake got left out in
the rain?
9) Ricky Martin. The first time I ever saw this idiot was on Saturday Night
Live. I thought it was a comedy sketch, and laughed my ass off. Honest.
10)Hall and Oates. Playing, listening to, quoting, writing, publishing, or even
farting these assholes' songs will be a capital offense. Death is too good for
you.

So, the real downside of this blog is that, if you got this far, one of these insidious "artist's" songs are very likely stuck in your brain, and you have me to thank for it.

You're welcome.
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