Parrothead Ramblings

Could this be the start of a new world order?

Remember Dolly, that sheep that some mad-ass scientists cloned in Scotland a few years back? They took a mammary (hence the name, "Dolly," as in Parton. Get it?) cell from a ewe, did whatever black magic it took, and voila, synthetic wool. Or mutton, whatever.

Anyway, I saw a documentary on Dolly not long ago, and it got me to thinking. What the hell good is this crazy Dr. Frankenstein (pronounced "FRONK-un-shteen) shit, anyway? Like a lot of pholks, it just creeps me out. As luck would have it, right after the "Dolly" documentary, there was a special on these nut case Islamic terrorists going around killing everybody. These guys are convinced they are following the law of Allah and the teachings of his prophet, Mohammed, and are bound for glory. So to speak.

Just what do these two stories have in common? Glad you asked.

Some decades, years, time back, I was just finishing up a tour of duty with the Air Force in Turkey, and had to lay over a couple of days in Istanbul until I could catch "The Freedom Bird" back home. To kill time, I took a tour of the world-famous "Topkapi Museum." The museum includes this one very sacred section with some stuff that actually belonged to the Prophet Mohammed, including a couple of his teeth and some of his beard hair.

See where I'm headed with this?

Let's get a couple of those hairs and clone him!

That should get the fundamentalists' attention. With any luck, he'll tell them they're full of shit, they got it all wrong, and they need to stop killing everybody right now. Of course, for all I know, he might say "Keep up the good work, boys," in which case we're not really any worse off than before.

Here's a better idea: Maybe we could make a couple thousand of those Mohammed clones, and scatter them all over the U.S. That would make it damn near impossible for the terrorists to hit an American city, for fear of nailing their own guy(s). It should only take about 1,000, or about twenty per state. Of course, we can put a few more in hot spots like New York and Washington, and a few less in places like Utah and South Dakota, since there's nothing there worth blowing up, anyway. The remainder of our new Mohammeds could be sworn in as Air Marshals and put on airplanes all over the country. What could be more safe than knowing you're flying the friendly skies with the only guy the terrorists won't kill?

Of course, the terrorists might turn the tables on us. What if they get a little bit of DNA off the Shroud of Turin? Who's to say they won't clone a new Jesus that will tell George Bush that he's full of shit and got it all wrong?

Look, let's keep this among ourselves, shall we? We can't let somebody like one of those guys at the Fox Network in on this idea. They'll run with it, and next thing you know we'll have the "Who Wants To Marry a Prophet of God?" reality series, or they'll take Jesus and Mohammed and put them both on "Celebrity Boxing."

Hmmmm, maybe that's not such a bad idea. Give those two a chance to duke it out for the "Extreme Man O' God" title, and they just might set us all straight. I'm guessing they would shake hands, give each other a big hug, and tell us all to knock off that terrorism and war shit.

What could that hurt?
  |