Parrothead Ramblings

Just what the Hell is WITH these people, anyway?
Some woman in Wisconsin ripped off $3,000 from the labor union she worked for and got caught. Her penance? A choice: Give her Packers' season tickets to charity, or go to jail. Personally, I think jail would be preferable to having to sit through an entire season of Packer games, but that's just me.

It's not so much having to watch the games - I'm a huge football fan - it's having to endure the 72,600 Packer loyalists who show up every week. Never has a more annoying sports fan been placed on the planet. Example: The Fetching Daughter of the Crime Dog, hereinafter referred to as "Bo," once worked as a server in a local Chandler sports bar. It turns out a lot of Packer fans must have lived in that area, for they all started showing up for the satellite games. Every Sunday, Bo served these rude, cheese-wearing leeches glasses of water while they parked their cheap asses at a table for three hours, left a dollar for a tip, and went home.

Now, I know I can't lump all Packer fans in with those turds. My good phriend Arizona Cheesehead is a good example. She's apparently been separated from the herd long enough that she's lost some of it's more annoying habits. But I still wouldn't hang out at Lambeau with her. You see, I've lived in Arizona for many years now, but my Texas drawl tends to return without prompting when I get around pholks with a bit of twang in their voice. It's a fine source of amusement for The Fetching Mrs. Crime Dog. My fear is that Arizona Cheesehead would succumb to the same malady if returned to her native environment, and become Annoying Packer Fan. She would suddenly plop a huge wedge of cheese onto her head and start pronouncing "th" as "d," as in "Dem Packers are gonna win even widout dat Favre." And den dere is dat expectation dat da Packer offense will score each time it touches da ball. This results in what I like to call the "Packer Orgasm" with each play. From snap to rollout to pass to incompletion, the Packer Orgasm goes like this: "oh. oh Oh. OH! OH!!! aaaaahhhhh," and is accompanied by the lifting of the cheesehead ass from its chair in increments of two inches per "oh," then slamming back into place with "aaaaahhhhh" as the incomplete pass falls to the ground.

And what's with that green and yellow, and just what the hell IS a Packer, anyway? Bears, Vikings, and Cowboys, I get that. But Packers?

Never mind. Pretend I didn't ask that, because I honestly don't want to know.

Our Wisconsin thief gave up the tickets. Smart gal.
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