Tuesday, April 19, 2005
All The News That's Fit To Ridicule!
Those crazy Canadians! They really know how to do "Gypsies in the Palace" up there. A woman in Ontario left her house in the care of a young couple while she was out of town, and they ended up eating her cat. Now, this should be a lesson to all of us. Be specific in your instructions to those you leave in charge: "OK, Snake? Johnny D? Thanks for watching my place. Please - no wild parties, leave my good liquor alone, no shooting off locks, and for God's sake, don't catch, kill, butcher, and eat Fluffy." Simple, see?
One headline this morning read "Cardinals Again Fail To Elect New Pope." So, what did you expect? Those incompetent numb-nuts haven't found a winning quarterback yet, either.
And speaking of numb-nuts, "The Minutemen" are back in the news. C'mon guys, pack up your shit and just go home. As your mama might say, "It's only fun until somebody gets an eye put out." The Fetching Mrs. Crime Dog has been calling me "Minute Man" for thirty years, and you don't see me skulking along the border with a handgun.
On the topic of guns, our illustrious Governor now has the bill before her that would legalize the carrying of concealed guns in to restaurants that serve alcohol. There's good news. She'll sign that bill about as fast as one that would outlaw androgynous elected officials.
If you really want an effective law, then allow the carrying of concealed garden gnomes into bars. Some woman in London found an intruder on her roof, so she wound up and flung her garden gnome at him. Knocked his ass down, then went in for a rolling pin to finish him off. Fortunately for him, someone called the cops and saved him the extra humiliation. With that as his reputation, he'll be fair game for every butt-pirate in the slammer.
Karma can be a real bitch.
