Sunday, April 10, 2005
Parrothead Primer, Part III
Proper execution of "Phins" is the
not-so-secret handshake of Parrotheadism!
You see them everyhere.....on cars.....on hats....strapped to backs.....on tee-shirt......earrings....even saw one on a dog once.
What's the deal with all those shark fins, Crime Dog?
Once again, glad you asked, virgin.
First thing you have to do is learn the following maneuver:
1) With your arms fully extended directly over your head, place your palms flat together with fingers pointed straight into the sky. Fins Up!
2) Now, maintain that arm position. Bend your upper body from the waist to your left, until your head and hands point up and left. Fins Left!
3) Repeat Step 2, but to your right. Fins Right!
You've just mastered "Fins," inspired by the song of the same name. This shit is hard, ain't it? Looks real cool when 20,000 people do it all together. The alternative spellings of "Phins" or "Phinz" are also acceptable, even preferred. Too tired, or too drunk to hold your arms straight up? Not a problem, feel free to bend the elbows so that your phins are right on top of your head.
"Phins up" is used not only during the playing of the song, but at any time you wish to extend a greeting, a sort of a "What's up, fuckstick?" to a fellow Parrothead. In this less formal usage, you might wish to opt for the "one-handed Phin." The one-handed Phin is executed with whichever hand is not holding your beer, by placing your wrist on top of your head with your fingers pointing straight up. You can even flex your wrist to and fro in a Phins right/Phins left maneuver, if the situation merits.
Parrothead etiquette dictates that a Phins maneuver be executed at any time that another Parrothead shouts "Phins Up!" Failure to do so carries with it absolutely no repercussions whatsoever. Shit, we're Parrotheads. We don't do repercussions. At least, not until the morning following the concert. And if we don't die by Thursday, we'll be roaring Friday night!
