Parrothead Ramblings

The pranksters at Maxim will be lucky if they don't get a bunker-buster right through the roof after this little display.

I guess all that sunshine and beautiful weather just isn't enough for some people. This miscreant in San Diego wanted more, so he ran up behind a woman out walking her dog, snatched her bag right out of her hand, and began to run off. What this idiot didn't know was that the bag contained nothing more than dog turds. This pissed him off no end, so he pointed a .22 handgun at the poor woman and demanded money. When that failed, he decided to whack her dog. But his gun misfired. Just another shitty day in paradise, I guess. Won't it make for riveting jailhouse conversation. though? The criminal hierarchy just added a new position: At the very top, you have your cop-killers, and at the bottom, child molestors and dudes who steal bags of dog shit, using guns that don't work. He better pray he doesn't get caught, because he'll be a butt-boy as soon as he hits the door of the county jail. I guess he could play it off, and hope nobody recognizes him:

"I'm in for armed robbery and attempted murder. I'm a very bad man, so don't fuck with me."

"Bullshit. You're that asshole who stole a bag of dog shit, then tried to cap a Yorkie. Bend over."

The other guy who might as well have "enter through rear" tatooed to his forehead when he hits the slammer is this fool from Tennessee who got his ass kicked by an 83-year-old woman. Granny heard noises in her house and, knowing 9-1-1 is just for old ladies and children, grabbed her gun and headed downstairs to take care of business. There, she encountered a burglar, fought him hand-to-hand, and shot at him twice before he made good his escape. Not for long, though, as police apprehended him a short time later with a bullet graze on his head and several cuts on his hands. Surely, he recognizes that there's no future in trying to look like a tough guy in jail. With any luck, his cellmate will turn out to be his victim's 275 pound gender-confused sex-addicted grandson.

Finally, speaking of sex, the very best April Fools' joke of the year just has to be Maxim magazine's lingerie photo of the Bush twins. It's made even better by the feathers floating around, as though the two just had one of those stereotype sex-fantasy pillow fights. Way to go, Maxim. You take a President whose attorney general even wanted to cover up partially nude artwork, and you print pictures of his daughters in lingerie. Just how many IRS agents does it take to pick apart an entire publishing company? You're about to find out, in the corporate equivalent of the ass-reaming that our two master criminals are getting.

Oh well, at least you got more than a bag of shit and a bullet wound for your efforts.
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