Wednesday, April 06, 2005
Parrothead Primer, Part 1
These Parrotheads display proper attire,
attitude, and, of course, nutrition.
Well, we're officially inside one week now until the big show out at Cricket Pavilion, and I've been getting some calls.
Concert Virgins.
Crime Dog, what do I wear, where do I go, do I drive, is there a bus, what do I bring, where should I park, is beer OK or maybe should I bring hard stuff, should I learn some songs, what should I expect, what's a Conch Republic, why is there a shark on your car, what songs will Jimmy play, are we going to cook at the tailgate party, what time should I get there, why are you so good looking, smart and sexy for a man of your age??????
OK, so maybe I made that last one up. So sue me.
For the next week, I’m going to take you from ignorance to bliss. By next Tuesday, you’ll have all of the answers you want. And a lot more you have no need for whatsoever.
Today, with the assistance of my new phriends over at Parrot Key, I've prepared a few hard and fast rules. Know them. Learn them. Live them. In no particular order:
1) It's a marathon - not a sprint. Try not to pass out before intermission.
2) That Carmen Miranda lookalike hottie you've been chasing after is a dude.
3) If you're wearing a Polo shirt and deck shoes, go home and change. The drag
version of Carmen Miranda is much more dignifed. We consider it tasteful and
understated.
4) Don't know the songs? Your fault, stupid. There's more to the show than just
cuts from Songs You Know By Heart. Quit bitching and hum.
5) Any stranger found passed out in your car is your responsibility. Take him home
with you.
6) See that old guy with a grey goatee and the tee shirt saying "Fruit
Inspector: Show Me Your Coconuts?" You are obligated to comply.
7) Bathroom line too long, ladies? Find the Fruit Inspector, and you can go to
the head of the mens' line.
8) Here for the show, but no tickets, ladies? Rule 6 again. He has extras.
9) Wanna be on Parrotvision? Rule 6.You're gonna be a big star.
10)Don't be afraid to admit you're a virgin.It'll get you free drinks and, who
knows? Maybe even a Rule 6 implementation.
Well, that's a good start, kids. I don't want to overwhelm you on your first day. Your homework assignment is to practice Rule 6 compliance. Show your work, and turn it for a grade.
Tomorrow: What the %*#@ is he gonna play?
