Tuesday, April 12, 2005
Parrothead Primer - Final Exam
Finally, the moment we've all been waiting for.
Yep, that about says it. Today's the day. All the planning, preparation, ticket hustling, pre-pre-pre-partying and on down the line, and it all comes to this: The Big Day.
You virgins have been hearing about The Big Day for a while now. You're bound to be a little apprehensive. The Crime Dog has led you down the slippery slope called "Buffett Concert Preparation," but you're still not sure you're ready. Understandable.
So, as a confidence builder, I've prepared a little "final exam" for you. Think clearly on each question, use only a #2 pencil, and do your best. If you fail, just meet me at the parking lot this afternoon. We'll do a practical test, commonly referred to as the "Rule 6 Exam," and you will be cleared to attend.
OK, here you go:
1) What should you shout following Jimmy's singing of the verse "Good times and riches, and...."
a. Beer Me!
b. Beer The Crime Dog!
c. Son of a bitches!
2) A bald 50ish guy with a goatee and backwards Parrothead beret approaches you and shouts "Phins Up!" What is your appropriate course of action?
a. Shout "Phins Up" right back at him.
b. Give him a beer.
c. Follow Rule 6.
3) Jimmy says "Good night!" and the band walks off stage. What do you do?
a. Have another beer.
b. Find Crime Dog, give him a beer.
c. Scream like an idiot. The show ain't over till the house lights come on.
4) Women only: You gotta pee. Bad. The ladies' restroom line runs out the door, out the gate across the parking lot, and out to 79th Avenue. What do you do?
a. What do you think those bushes over by the wall are for, anyway?
b. Find Crime Dog, give him a beer.
c. Utilize Rule 6 to gain immediate entry to the mens' room.
5) Men only: You're heading into the mens' room. A woman approaches you and insists on invoking Rule 6 to gain immediate access. What do you do.
a. Duh.
b. Find Crime Dog, give him a beer, and ask him to help.
c. Insist she use the "buddy system" and bring a friend.
There. See? I told you it would be a confidence builder, didn't I?
See you at Macayos, around the lot, or at the show!
