Thursday, March 03, 2005
American Idle
This is more my style of competition.
The stage is set. Who will be the next American Idle?
I watched American Idol last night. Man, are those kids willing to endure a lot of shit for a shot at the ol' brass ring? You take a bunch of kids in blue jeans, put 'em on the currently biggest stage in show biz, and then hammer their asses about how they picked the wrong song, or they were a little "pitchy." Of course, at some point along the way, that Limey turd-blossom Simon is going to put someone's privates in a vise and crank on it just to watch him squirm. And then, the mother of all rejections: you get voted off by a go-zillion brain-dead teenyboppers with a speed-dial cell phone and nothing but time on their hands. I'm not voting for her. Did you see what she was wearing? It was like, sooooo Wal-Martish. Eeeeuw!" So then, that Ryan guy just yanks the loser's chain unmercifully for a couple minutes before dropping the bomb on him: Out of all the half-assed singers on stage - you sucked the worst.
But then, what does singing ability have to do with it, anyway? Some of the world's top musical acts would never have made it past the first screening committee of American Idol, much less have been given the opportunity to be drop-kicked into musical oblivion by Simon. So, here for your edification is "The Crime Dog's Top 10 List of Superstars Who Would Have Been Shit-Stormed By Simon Cowell":
10) Joni Mitchell
9) Willie Nelson
8) Jimmy Buffett
7) Joe Cocker
6) Bonnie Tyler
5) Alanis Morrisette
4) John Fogerty
3) Bruce Springstreen
2) Rod Stewart
1) Janis Joplin
Hmmmmmm.......food for thought:
Kato Kaelin and Ryan Seacrest. Same guy?
Separated at birth?
The Crime Dog wants to know.
