Parrothead Ramblings

Do NOT feed this guy. It only encourages him.

I hate scalpers. They are heartless bloodsuckers. They prey on folks who have jobs, lives, and insufficient time to stand in lines or wait endlessly on telephones to acquire tickets to events that, in some cases, they waited their entire lives to experience. Waited, that is, only to find out that all the tickets were already gobbled up by scalpers who know all the right people, or who hired multiple people to stand in lines for them, so they can circumvent rules designed to keep opportunistic leeches like themselves from buying up all the tickets. There is a special place in Hell for them. One I will be happy to sell them a ticket to attend. For the right price, of course.

I mentioned last month that I bought tickets online for Jimmy Buffet's April 12th show here in Phoenix. I had to settle for lawn tickets just over two minutes after the sale started, only to find scalpers offering better seats on Ebay at the same time as ticket sales started on Ticketmaster. You don't suppose these jerks already had them before the sale even started, do you? That just wouldn't be right, now would it?

I guess I can't fault the scalpers entirely. I mean, there are special spots in the food chain for cockroaches and vultures, too. Oh, and lawyers. And some insider, somewhere, made a fortune hustling tickets to scalpers before the rest of us even got a shot at them. What a racket! Martha Stewart went to prison for that kind of shit, and at least she can cook a nice pot roast.

Just for grins, I looked around on Ebay today, and found a couple of noteworthy guys. My favorite was Friendly Tickets, a "Power Seller" with, admittedly, a very high customer service rating. This outfit asks the rhetorical question, "Why would you overpay?" just before posting their price for two section 100 tickets: $800. Gee. I'd sure hate to get screwed, Thanks, Friendly Tickets. But wait just a minute! They're not finished with your wallet yet. There is still the small matter of shipping and handling these two tickets, which will cost you another $30. Now, I already know the cost of a freaking stamp is about $29.63 short of that. Hell, to send a one pound box coast to coast with UPS "2nd Day Air" is less than $20. So, the friendly folks over at Friendly Tickets will nail you on both ends of this deal.

But they do have a really cute smiley face on their ad. Awwwwwwww. That makes it all right.
  |