Wednesday, January 18, 2006
Friends Don't Let Friends Suck On National TV
Yes, I watched American Idol last night. And I enjoyed it.
I always wonder about some of these fools who audition. What the hell were they thinking? Take for instance the guy who showed up with his mother and grandmother. While waiting for her son outside the audition room, the Mom said she just "can't listen." She explained that her son sings so beautifully, he always makes her cry. Cut to the audition room to a young man who could not be any more effeminate if he had removable nuts. His voice was somewhere between a six-year old boy with cramps and a disemboweled cat. I cried too, but for a different reason than Mom. Grandma was ready to drop the gloves and go a couple of rounds bare knuckles with Simon.
Then there was the anorexic looking blonde who was horrible, but was so convinced of her future stardom that, once she got out of the room, she melted down and cursed the judges for the next several minutes. Every other word and hand gesture had to be bleeped out.
These people really really really really SUCK, and honestly don't seem to know it. They're like those fat chicks you see walking around with those tight fitting tops made for thin chicks. Instead of being treated to a cute little belly button, we get a fat roll protruding out between the top and the pants like an oversized hernia. We know two things about them immediately: They don't own a mirror, and their friends don't have the balls to tell them they look like idiots. C'mon, friends. Help these people! Tell your friend the truth!
Same thing goes for friends of American Idol rejects. Tell your anorexic little friend that she sucks before she advertises it to like 50,000,000 people, sees herself on national TV, and does a half gainer off her apartment roof. Get your best buddy hammered and handcuff him to his couch before he goes on TV and has Simon tell him that he'd be better off putting on a dress and becoming a female impersonator.
Or do you think the Idol rejects still feel ripped off once they have the opportunity to actually watch themselves on TV, and see what we saw? What we need is for a camera crew to show up at their door this morning and ask them. But then again, we don't need a news story about Ryan Seacrest and his crew getting shotgunned off some frozen front porch in Iowa.
But you gotta love the bearded guy with the Little Bo Peep outfit, or the guy who dressed like the Statue of Liberty. Somebody send those dudes a Parrothead Club application immediately. I want to party with them.
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I always wonder about some of these fools who audition. What the hell were they thinking? Take for instance the guy who showed up with his mother and grandmother. While waiting for her son outside the audition room, the Mom said she just "can't listen." She explained that her son sings so beautifully, he always makes her cry. Cut to the audition room to a young man who could not be any more effeminate if he had removable nuts. His voice was somewhere between a six-year old boy with cramps and a disemboweled cat. I cried too, but for a different reason than Mom. Grandma was ready to drop the gloves and go a couple of rounds bare knuckles with Simon.
Then there was the anorexic looking blonde who was horrible, but was so convinced of her future stardom that, once she got out of the room, she melted down and cursed the judges for the next several minutes. Every other word and hand gesture had to be bleeped out.
These people really really really really SUCK, and honestly don't seem to know it. They're like those fat chicks you see walking around with those tight fitting tops made for thin chicks. Instead of being treated to a cute little belly button, we get a fat roll protruding out between the top and the pants like an oversized hernia. We know two things about them immediately: They don't own a mirror, and their friends don't have the balls to tell them they look like idiots. C'mon, friends. Help these people! Tell your friend the truth!
Same thing goes for friends of American Idol rejects. Tell your anorexic little friend that she sucks before she advertises it to like 50,000,000 people, sees herself on national TV, and does a half gainer off her apartment roof. Get your best buddy hammered and handcuff him to his couch before he goes on TV and has Simon tell him that he'd be better off putting on a dress and becoming a female impersonator.
Or do you think the Idol rejects still feel ripped off once they have the opportunity to actually watch themselves on TV, and see what we saw? What we need is for a camera crew to show up at their door this morning and ask them. But then again, we don't need a news story about Ryan Seacrest and his crew getting shotgunned off some frozen front porch in Iowa.
But you gotta love the bearded guy with the Little Bo Peep outfit, or the guy who dressed like the Statue of Liberty. Somebody send those dudes a Parrothead Club application immediately. I want to party with them.
