Friday, January 06, 2006
Bite Me, Simon Cowell
Dust off your slings and arrows. I admit it. I like American Idol.
No, it's more than that. I love American Idol. I'm probably the oldest male American Idol junkie on the planet. So sue me.
And it's ba-a-a-ack on January 17th.
I don't even like pop music. Hate it, as a matter of fact. It's nails on a chalkboard to me. The world would be a better place if Mariah Carey, Brittany Spears, Jewel, Celine Dion, Ashlee Simpson, Justin Timberlake, The Backstreet Boys, and all the rest of them had their vocal cords forcibly removed. Of course, we'd need to sterilize them so they couldn't make more just like 'em.
My folks are named Jimmy Buffett, Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, James Taylor, John Hiett, John Fogerty, Neil Young.....you get the picture. I don't like just the classic stuff, either. I dig on the Goo Goo Dolls, Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20, and Joe E even turned me on to 311. Thanks, Joe E. Dude once actually made me stop in the middle of Bumfuq Arizona on I-10, just so he could have his picture taken next to milepost 311. Now that's a fan. It is a helluva band.
You don't have to be an American Idol aficionado to recognize immediately that every artist in the aformentioned paragraph would stand about a 95% chance of getting shit-hammered in the most denigrating way possible by that smug limey bastard Simon Cowell, probably in the competition's first week.
So what's with my attraction to American Idol? Hell if I know.
I guess there's just something about rooting for a bunch of young people who aren't afraid to chase their dreams, face rejection by millions of people, and ultimately be eviscerated by the likes of that asshole Simon that appeals to me. That takes balls of steel, regardless of your gender. I appreciate guts.
Of course, once a competitor has won and started releasing albums, they can be emasculated or sterilized and have their vocal cords removed along with the rest of those whining, annoying, pop "artists" for all I care. I wouldn't go to the trouble to walk across the street to watch any one of them perform for free.
Give me a bar and cold brew with some relative unknown like Mulligan, Karwin, or McGuire any day. Now that's entertainment.
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No, it's more than that. I love American Idol. I'm probably the oldest male American Idol junkie on the planet. So sue me.
And it's ba-a-a-ack on January 17th.
I don't even like pop music. Hate it, as a matter of fact. It's nails on a chalkboard to me. The world would be a better place if Mariah Carey, Brittany Spears, Jewel, Celine Dion, Ashlee Simpson, Justin Timberlake, The Backstreet Boys, and all the rest of them had their vocal cords forcibly removed. Of course, we'd need to sterilize them so they couldn't make more just like 'em.
My folks are named Jimmy Buffett, Eric Clapton, Van Morrison, James Taylor, John Hiett, John Fogerty, Neil Young.....you get the picture. I don't like just the classic stuff, either. I dig on the Goo Goo Dolls, Third Eye Blind, Matchbox 20, and Joe E even turned me on to 311. Thanks, Joe E. Dude once actually made me stop in the middle of Bumfuq Arizona on I-10, just so he could have his picture taken next to milepost 311. Now that's a fan. It is a helluva band.
You don't have to be an American Idol aficionado to recognize immediately that every artist in the aformentioned paragraph would stand about a 95% chance of getting shit-hammered in the most denigrating way possible by that smug limey bastard Simon Cowell, probably in the competition's first week.
So what's with my attraction to American Idol? Hell if I know.
I guess there's just something about rooting for a bunch of young people who aren't afraid to chase their dreams, face rejection by millions of people, and ultimately be eviscerated by the likes of that asshole Simon that appeals to me. That takes balls of steel, regardless of your gender. I appreciate guts.
Of course, once a competitor has won and started releasing albums, they can be emasculated or sterilized and have their vocal cords removed along with the rest of those whining, annoying, pop "artists" for all I care. I wouldn't go to the trouble to walk across the street to watch any one of them perform for free.
Give me a bar and cold brew with some relative unknown like Mulligan, Karwin, or McGuire any day. Now that's entertainment.
