Thursday, December 22, 2005
All The News That's Fit To Ridicule
That so-called "Jimmy Buffett of Country Music," none other than Kenny Chesney, had his marriage to Renee Zellwegger annulled. I don't know what went wrong, but I have a theory: Kenny Chesney woke up one morning, rolled over, and realized he was married to Renee Zellwegger. That would do it for me, anyway.
And then there's the story of a Santa Fe woman who has applied for a restraining order against David Letterman. She says Letterman used code words to propose marriage to her over the television and train her to be his co-host. Apparently, Dave's mental cruelty and harrassment has forced her to lose sleep and go bankrupt. Makes sense to me. In fact, I do it all the time. I'm doing it right now. As you read this blog, you are being subliminally instructed to put $1,000 in a plain white envelope, bring it to my house, and leave it under my door mat.
A South African mugger was very nearly captured this week by police. He fled on foot through the city zoo with cops in hot pursuit, but he outsmarted them by leaping over a fence and making good his escape. Only problem with his daring getaway was that the fence he leaped over just happened to be the one that encloses the zoo's tiger den. The tigers did their civic duty and killed him. At least he didn't get caught by the cops. That would have been embarrassing.
P.S. When you drop off your envelopes, bring a six pack, too.
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And then there's the story of a Santa Fe woman who has applied for a restraining order against David Letterman. She says Letterman used code words to propose marriage to her over the television and train her to be his co-host. Apparently, Dave's mental cruelty and harrassment has forced her to lose sleep and go bankrupt. Makes sense to me. In fact, I do it all the time. I'm doing it right now. As you read this blog, you are being subliminally instructed to put $1,000 in a plain white envelope, bring it to my house, and leave it under my door mat.
A South African mugger was very nearly captured this week by police. He fled on foot through the city zoo with cops in hot pursuit, but he outsmarted them by leaping over a fence and making good his escape. Only problem with his daring getaway was that the fence he leaped over just happened to be the one that encloses the zoo's tiger den. The tigers did their civic duty and killed him. At least he didn't get caught by the cops. That would have been embarrassing.
P.S. When you drop off your envelopes, bring a six pack, too.
