Tuesday, January 17, 2006
An American Crime Of Passion
It turns out that Hellfire missile that struck a Pakistani village last week really did kill some Al Qaeda assholes after all. There isn't a safe place for these guys to hide. Well, outside the US, that is. Here, of course, we're doing everything we can to protect their rights. Whatever, the bad guys now have four more dudes chasing virgins in heaven, and that's OK with me.
What's not OK with me is giving the IV of death to some creaky old half blind and deaf geezer. I suppose death penalty supporters will say there is some sort of point to this execution, but they can talk till Ringling gets an NFL team and never manage to convince me. This guy was a reprehensible sack of dog jakes, no question about it. He ordered the murders of a couple of folks back in 1980, while already an inmate on a robbery conviction.
Yep, I said 1980. For those of you keeping score at home, that's 26 years ago. Whatever happened to the good ol' days? You know, they convicted you one day, hung you in public the next. Case closed. If I were a convicted killer, I'd sure prefer that to being locked in cage for 26 years with nothing to look forward to but my own eventual demise. While this guy was actually a dangerous man, they allowed him to keep living. Once he deteriorated into a harmless old man, the people of California killed him.
That's what really sucks. Executions are carried out by the government. The government is we the people. Us. You and me. We pulled the trigger, or pushed the button, or flipped the switch, or whatever it is they do to make that contraption work.
The Crime Dog is kind of an enigma. I vehemently support private ownership of firearms and the concealed carrying of them by law-abiding citizens. I cheer when a home-invader get his ass blown out a window by a homeowner with a Mossberg tactical shotgun. If a guy decides he's a better shot than the local police and ends up looking like a cheese grater, then the world just became a better, safer place.
But this calculated, long term, organized effort to kill people, no matter how repugnant they are, no matter what sick, twisted crimes they have committed, is just wrong. What's the point?
So, here's my plan: No screwing around from here on out. We convict one of these turds, we haul 'em out the next morning on to the courthouse lawn, put a rope around his neck, and drop him. In public. Televised for all the world to see. What's that you say? That's a sick idea? Nope. What's sick is that we in the greatest, most enlightened nation on the planet still want this ridiculous penalty.
Let's take my idea even further: We'll summons everyday citizens, just like jury duty, and require them to come down and act as witnesses. We'll draw straws and see who puts the hood on him, who slips the noose around his neck, who reads the death warrant, and who has the honor of yanking the lever and sending this pimple on the ass of society into the next world. We'll need a couple more to check for a pulse and give him a good yank if he hasn’t croaked yet, and is just hanging there and strangling. We don't want to be cruel, after all.
After all, if capital punishment is such a great idea, then why do we kill our bad people late at night, behind closed doors, with only a few hand-selected witnesses? Here's why: It is a repugnant, sickening, reprehensible act that few wish to see. If we the people were obligated to take part in this dark and sordid business, we'd be demonstrating at the Governor's front door to declare a moratorium before the first guy had a chance to reach room temperature. Then we can lock 'em up, throw away the key, and make 'em listen to an endless loop of The Captain and Tenille, Hall and Oats, and Duran Duran songs. Now that's cruel and unusual.
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm in the minority. But at least I might generate some comments.
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What's not OK with me is giving the IV of death to some creaky old half blind and deaf geezer. I suppose death penalty supporters will say there is some sort of point to this execution, but they can talk till Ringling gets an NFL team and never manage to convince me. This guy was a reprehensible sack of dog jakes, no question about it. He ordered the murders of a couple of folks back in 1980, while already an inmate on a robbery conviction.
Yep, I said 1980. For those of you keeping score at home, that's 26 years ago. Whatever happened to the good ol' days? You know, they convicted you one day, hung you in public the next. Case closed. If I were a convicted killer, I'd sure prefer that to being locked in cage for 26 years with nothing to look forward to but my own eventual demise. While this guy was actually a dangerous man, they allowed him to keep living. Once he deteriorated into a harmless old man, the people of California killed him.
That's what really sucks. Executions are carried out by the government. The government is we the people. Us. You and me. We pulled the trigger, or pushed the button, or flipped the switch, or whatever it is they do to make that contraption work.
The Crime Dog is kind of an enigma. I vehemently support private ownership of firearms and the concealed carrying of them by law-abiding citizens. I cheer when a home-invader get his ass blown out a window by a homeowner with a Mossberg tactical shotgun. If a guy decides he's a better shot than the local police and ends up looking like a cheese grater, then the world just became a better, safer place.
But this calculated, long term, organized effort to kill people, no matter how repugnant they are, no matter what sick, twisted crimes they have committed, is just wrong. What's the point?
So, here's my plan: No screwing around from here on out. We convict one of these turds, we haul 'em out the next morning on to the courthouse lawn, put a rope around his neck, and drop him. In public. Televised for all the world to see. What's that you say? That's a sick idea? Nope. What's sick is that we in the greatest, most enlightened nation on the planet still want this ridiculous penalty.
Let's take my idea even further: We'll summons everyday citizens, just like jury duty, and require them to come down and act as witnesses. We'll draw straws and see who puts the hood on him, who slips the noose around his neck, who reads the death warrant, and who has the honor of yanking the lever and sending this pimple on the ass of society into the next world. We'll need a couple more to check for a pulse and give him a good yank if he hasn’t croaked yet, and is just hanging there and strangling. We don't want to be cruel, after all.
After all, if capital punishment is such a great idea, then why do we kill our bad people late at night, behind closed doors, with only a few hand-selected witnesses? Here's why: It is a repugnant, sickening, reprehensible act that few wish to see. If we the people were obligated to take part in this dark and sordid business, we'd be demonstrating at the Governor's front door to declare a moratorium before the first guy had a chance to reach room temperature. Then we can lock 'em up, throw away the key, and make 'em listen to an endless loop of The Captain and Tenille, Hall and Oats, and Duran Duran songs. Now that's cruel and unusual.
Yeah, yeah, I know I'm in the minority. But at least I might generate some comments.
