Monday, March 07, 2005
Excuse Me, But Your 15 Minutes Are Up
Paris Hilton demonstrates to a national TV
audience that, no, she really cannot tell the difference.
You've probably heard the uproar over the hacking of Paris Hilton's cellphone. Now, it turns out that the number of seven-year-old Josh Eisner was in there, and the poor munchkin's parents have had to change their number to escape the barrage of phone calls. The skank-queen stayed with the family during the filming of that stupid TV show of hers, and now Josh is being invited to parties in the Hamptons and Palm Beach. Save up your lunch money, Josh, and go on a roadie.
And since Paris Hilton puts us on the topic of stupid people, how about those Milky Wayans over at PETA? They've launched a campaign to ban fishing in Nebraska, arguing that it is a cruel thing to do and that fish are intelligent, sensitive animals no more deserving of being eaten than a pet dog or cat. They even have a leader designated as their "Fish Empathy Project Manager." OK, assholes, here's hoping your pet catfish can greet you at the door and lay its head in your lap while you watch Paris Hilton's TV show.
Finally, from the "People Who Need To Just Go The Fuck Away" Department: Tonya Harding has agreed to wrestle a transvestite at Beach Bums, a Ft. Lauderdale bar.It was supposed to be a boxing match, but officials nixed the idea because, believe it or not, Harding is considered a "professional" boxer. The transvestite guy is decidedly not, making a boxing match between these two fruitcakes illegal. That's disappointing. I rather like the thought of a transvestite in drag, getting his ass kicked by a figure-skater. Oh, and to top it all off: There will also be a raunchy Paris Hilton look-a-like contest, with the winner getting at least $250 in cash.
Now, how's that for coming full-circle? You know, I don't make this shit up. Well, not all of it.
