Thursday, December 27, 2007
Where Do We Find These People?
Hope everyone had a nice Christmas, and I hope you're looking forward to a bright New Year! As for the Crime Dog, things are looking up. I went back to work yesterday for the first time in three weeks, and it felt good. Now, I realize that sounds scary. The Crime Dog, one of the world's great hedonist slackers, expresses happiness about returning to work? Let me tell you: When you've been sicker than the proverbial dog for a couple of weeks, a return to any form of normalcy is 100% welcome, even if it's the ol' salt mine.
So, we had a wonderful Christmas with lots o' family and friends, good food, good music, great gift exchanges. Even got in a showing of Christmas Vacation with Clark and Cousin Eddie.
So, I was reading the AZ Republic bird cage liner this morning, when I came across this little gem:
Study Ties Sex Partners, Drinking
A team of researchers at the Washington University School of Medicine has found that young adults who drink heavily are more likely than non-heavy drinkers to have multiple sex partners.
No shit? Seriously? Man, who could have known THAT?
Maybe next they can spend a couple of years researching the relationship between frequent pot use and consumption of Cheetos. Never know, there could be something there.
Right below that little earth-shattering bit of news was a story about a farmer in North Dakota who forecasts the weather by staring at pig spleens. Hey, if it works, it works. I went over to the fridge, but as it turns out, I'm fresh out of pig spleens. As luck would have it, though, TFMCD brought a pack of bacon home from the store a couple days ago. I peeled out a couple of slices, laid them carefully across the counter with the ends pointing north, said three Hail Buffetts and stared at them.
UNBELIEVABLE! It works!
I can now predict the weather in North Dakota: Cold. Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. We're talking welldigger's ass type cold. Witch's tit in a brass bra, y'know? Probably at least another three months.
Sigh...... Well, reading the paper was not a total loss. There was the story about the woman who, in order to ward off bad luck, was doing some sort of Hindu ritual in an Illinois river. She fell in and drowned. Guess it didn't work. Maybe she should have thrown in a couple of Hail Buffetts.
Even better, there was the guy in Iowa who fell head first into his own septic tank, got stuck in the opening with his head in the tank and his feet in the air, and stayed that way for an hour until his wife found him. She had to call Sheriff's deputies to help pull him out, and other than having to smell that shit (literally) for an hour, he was fine.
All right, enough rambling. I have to get to work on my latest endeavor: A research project into the relationship between drinking and intoxication. I need a team of volunteer researchers, so let me know if you're interested.
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So, we had a wonderful Christmas with lots o' family and friends, good food, good music, great gift exchanges. Even got in a showing of Christmas Vacation with Clark and Cousin Eddie.
So, I was reading the AZ Republic bird cage liner this morning, when I came across this little gem:
Study Ties Sex Partners, Drinking
A team of researchers at the Washington University School of Medicine has found that young adults who drink heavily are more likely than non-heavy drinkers to have multiple sex partners.
No shit? Seriously? Man, who could have known THAT?
Maybe next they can spend a couple of years researching the relationship between frequent pot use and consumption of Cheetos. Never know, there could be something there.
Right below that little earth-shattering bit of news was a story about a farmer in North Dakota who forecasts the weather by staring at pig spleens. Hey, if it works, it works. I went over to the fridge, but as it turns out, I'm fresh out of pig spleens. As luck would have it, though, TFMCD brought a pack of bacon home from the store a couple days ago. I peeled out a couple of slices, laid them carefully across the counter with the ends pointing north, said three Hail Buffetts and stared at them.
UNBELIEVABLE! It works!
I can now predict the weather in North Dakota: Cold. Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. We're talking welldigger's ass type cold. Witch's tit in a brass bra, y'know? Probably at least another three months.
Sigh...... Well, reading the paper was not a total loss. There was the story about the woman who, in order to ward off bad luck, was doing some sort of Hindu ritual in an Illinois river. She fell in and drowned. Guess it didn't work. Maybe she should have thrown in a couple of Hail Buffetts.
Even better, there was the guy in Iowa who fell head first into his own septic tank, got stuck in the opening with his head in the tank and his feet in the air, and stayed that way for an hour until his wife found him. She had to call Sheriff's deputies to help pull him out, and other than having to smell that shit (literally) for an hour, he was fine.
All right, enough rambling. I have to get to work on my latest endeavor: A research project into the relationship between drinking and intoxication. I need a team of volunteer researchers, so let me know if you're interested.
