Friday, January 19, 2007
Super-Heated Frisbees and Toxic Waste
Pet stores carry a handly little device for those of us who have outdoor pets, like the furry feline friend I named RoadKill many years ago because of her propensity to look like just that when sleeping. I don't recall the name of this device, but it is roughly the shape and size of a Frisbee. You put it in your microwave, and it gets nice and warm. It retains its heat for several hours, so you can stick it inside the cathouse, or whatever you call the critter's den, and your little outdoor friend has a source of warmth on cold nights, in addition to the coat it already wears 24/7. Pretty slick.
But if you are considering getting one of these things, be forewarned:
They don't come with sufficient instructions on heating them. All it basically says is "microwave on high for five minutes."
Not that it could ever, ever happen, but the instructions should include something like "double-check the time setting on your microwave prior to heating this device." Once again, not that it could ever, ever happen, but let's just say for the sake of argument that it's possible to put the thing in your microwave on the "high" setting, but then accidentally set its timer at "50:00" instead of "5:00" minutes.
I'm not sure what might happen to one of these things if you were to do that. My theory is that, somewhere around the 24:35 point of this process, whatever shit is inside of it would get really, really, really, really hot. So hot, in fact, that it might actually melt the plastic exterior of the device, causing it to become a pile of red drool inside your microwave - a sort of Dali-inspired nightmare. It might even begin to let off smoke and a stench you thought reserved for the Love Canal or Donora. I would further surmise that the melting of said plastic exterior would release a large quantity of super-heated China Syndrome goo into your microwave. This Stygian pond would be so hot, you'd probably have to let it cool for a period of time, while throwing open every door and window in your previously warm, cozy abode and firing up your fans to clear your now toxic air supply.
Unfortunately, you would then learn that this goo turns to 1/4" thick cement when it cools, and can only be removed by laborious scraping with plastic knives (so as to avoid marring your appliance) and liberal applications of Soft Scrub and elbow grease. I imagine that even if your loving husband, who for once in his life was innocent in a household catastrophe, joins you in this process, the cleanup could easily take until midnight.
I don't know, I'm just saying.
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But if you are considering getting one of these things, be forewarned:
They don't come with sufficient instructions on heating them. All it basically says is "microwave on high for five minutes."
Not that it could ever, ever happen, but the instructions should include something like "double-check the time setting on your microwave prior to heating this device." Once again, not that it could ever, ever happen, but let's just say for the sake of argument that it's possible to put the thing in your microwave on the "high" setting, but then accidentally set its timer at "50:00" instead of "5:00" minutes.
I'm not sure what might happen to one of these things if you were to do that. My theory is that, somewhere around the 24:35 point of this process, whatever shit is inside of it would get really, really, really, really hot. So hot, in fact, that it might actually melt the plastic exterior of the device, causing it to become a pile of red drool inside your microwave - a sort of Dali-inspired nightmare. It might even begin to let off smoke and a stench you thought reserved for the Love Canal or Donora. I would further surmise that the melting of said plastic exterior would release a large quantity of super-heated China Syndrome goo into your microwave. This Stygian pond would be so hot, you'd probably have to let it cool for a period of time, while throwing open every door and window in your previously warm, cozy abode and firing up your fans to clear your now toxic air supply.
Unfortunately, you would then learn that this goo turns to 1/4" thick cement when it cools, and can only be removed by laborious scraping with plastic knives (so as to avoid marring your appliance) and liberal applications of Soft Scrub and elbow grease. I imagine that even if your loving husband, who for once in his life was innocent in a household catastrophe, joins you in this process, the cleanup could easily take until midnight.
I don't know, I'm just saying.
