Parrothead Ramblings

Know why Baptists prohibit premarital sex? It might lead to dancing.


Reading the story in today's paper about San Tan Flat's problems with a Pinal County hearing officer was like watching Footloose again. Remember the backed-up old fart preacher and town fathers who outlawed dancing as some sort of threat to their children's well being? They're alive and well down in Florence.

San Tan Flat, which is our kind of place, has been ordered to stop allowing their customers to dance outdoors, or face fines of $5,000 per day. Per day, Parrotheads.

Dancing? Outdoors? Why, the nerve of those people to indulge that type of scandalous activity! I expect any moment that the gates of Hell will swing wide and swallow op the whole joint. Serves 'em right. For shame!

Pinal County says San Tan Flat owner Dale Bell "deliberately withheld plans to host outdoor entertainment" when obtaining zoning clearance and a permit. He submitted drawings of his planned Country-Western themed establishment to the county, which were approved, and the permit was issued. Those drawings included the plans for - get this: An outdoor stage.

The County says now that it "did not expect Bell to host live music on that stage."

OK, let me see if I have this straight:

It's a saloon.
It has a Country-Western theme.
It has an outdoor stage.
And yet, somehow, the County didn't know they would play music out there.

Sorry, Pinal County, but I gotta call Bullshit on this one. It's essentially insulting in a "you people are stupid enough to believe us" sort of way.

It begs the question: What the Hell DID you think was going to take place on that stage? How did that zoning discussion go, anyway?

Official #1: OK, next on the agenda is the San Tan Flat application for a permit to run a saloon. Here are their plans - dining tables over there, kitchen there, bar over on that side, fire pits here, and the outdoor stage right there.

Official #2: Stage? What's the stage for?

Official #3: Doesn't say here. Let's see.....it's a country-western themed saloon, primarily outdoors, and it has a stage. Man, I just don't know why they have a stage.

Official #1: Shakespeare, maybe? That'll be a nice touch of culture. So long as there's no singing.

Official #2: Nah, it's probably for Bingo. The caller has to have some place to sit.

Official #3: I was thinking more along the lines of poetry reading. You now how those country-western types love their poetry.

Official #1: That's gotta be it. But what's that big circular floor right in front of the stage to be used for?

Official #2: I bet they're putting a maypole in there for the kids to play Ring-Around-the-Rosey.

Official #3: Nope. That would be considered dancing, and we don't allow outdoor dancing in Pinal County. Might corrupt our citizens.

Now, this has required Dale Bell to retain a lawyer, who I'm sure doesn't work for free, and try to reverse this on appeal. After all, what's an outdoor Country and Western Saloon with no music?

Empty. That's what.
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