Monday, October 09, 2006
Is That Ecstasy In Your Suitcase Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?
FoltX on your left, the real deal on your right. Any questions?
I caught a little of the "Jimmy busted with ecstasy" story Saturday morning, and immediately laughed. The air surrounding the story was ripe with the fragrant smell of bullshit.
By the time guests started arriving Saturday evening for Z-Man's birthday party, the story had really blown up. I was getting emails and text messages on the subject, and the first thing out of people's mouths when they came through the front door was "Didja hear Buffett got busted with ecstasy????"
Jimmy might have done a lot of crazy things in his past, but at age 60, he damn sure ain't turning Margaritaville into a rave. And does anybody really believe that trying to smuggle 100+ tabs of ecstasy out of France gets you a $380 fine? I mean, the French are certainly forgetting....errr, I meant "forgiving" people, but a brief detention and a $380 fine for "X"? Unlikely.
Jimmy now says that that what super-sleuths Jean-Claude, Jacques, and Henri found was his B-supplement, known as "FoltX". FoltX is prescribed to patients with a condition known as "hyperhomocysteinemia." Don't dare ask me what that is or even how to pronounce it. Suffice it to say it's fairly common in its mild form and can seriously complicate or increase the risk of other bad shit like vascular disease, stroke, or hypertension. You know, stuff that guys our age have to really keep a close eye on to avoid taking our dirt naps a little earlier than expected.
Now, by show of hands, who thinks it much more likely that Jimmy Buffett takes a prescription vitamin supplement to ward off cardiovascular disease, than that he is popping X and listening to techno music?
"But, Crime Dog! He paid the fine? Why would he do that if he was innocent?"
Because the dude had someplace to be. And he is a multi-multi-multi-millionaire, for whom it was much easier to spend $380 and get the hell out of Dodge than to haggle with a bunch of Frenchies.
Hell, just their lack of deodorant would be enough to make me pay those rude pricks $380, and I ain't rich.
