Wednesday, October 04, 2006
I Ran Away From Politics, It's Too Bizarre At Home.
I'm sure you'll all recognize that line from Far Side of the World. Nothing could be more true right now. My office TV has been out by the pool in the gazebo for months, but I brought it in to get it out of the way for TFMCD's party. I generally just put it on CNN or MSNBC and keep it low, just in case something cool happens. Now that we're just one month away from elections, however, I'm ready to throw the damn thing into the pool. Suffice it to say I don't even turn it on any more.
By show of hands, who cares if they never, ever hear another word about:
Kyl vs. Pederson
Napolitano vs. Munsil
Proposition 100, 101, 102....Screw it. Anything preceded by the word "Prop."
Illegal immigration
Polygamists
Mark Foley
Dennis Hastert
Global warming
Russell Pearce and "Operation Wetback"
Democrats retaking congress
And on and on and on and on........
At least Foley is entertaining. He allows you to dust off all those old Michael Jackson pedophile jokes and just replace Jacko's name with Foley's.
Kyl and Pederson? Give me a break. Who really thinks that their lives will be changed one iota based upon which of these geniuses gets elected? They probably both have corporate ownership stamps on their asses, anyway.
Munsil? Just what we need. Another homophobic bible-thumper to run our state.
And how the hell am I supposed to make even a scientific wild-ass guess at all these propositions? If I have to study and vote on all this shit anyway, then why do I need a congressman? It's like hiring a maid and then having her watch while I clean my own house.
Somebody actually wants me to vote (Prop 204) on whether or not hogs should have a pen large enough to turn around in. What makes these people think a hog even wants to turn around? It is their porcine destiny to be sliced up and put in a skillet, anyway. I doubt they give a shit what's going on behind them.
How about we just put their cages on rotating platforms, like that stage at the Celebrity Theater ? Won't that solve the problem?
I'd just stay away on election day, if not for the tobacco propositions. Don't get me wrong. I hate smoking, and I despise tobacco. That's just me. I hate it almost as badly as I hate a bunch of anti-smoking Nazis who think smokers should pay for shit that has absolutely nothing to do with smoking, or who want to dictate to a restaurant owner whether or not he/she can allow smoking in his/her own business. Allow smoking? Fine. I just won't go in. There's my vote.
Wait a minute, here.......How about I introduce a proposition that would make it illegal to play shitty music in bars? Wouldn't it be great to enjoy a cold beer, and never have to concern yourself with whether or not some insensitive asshole will put Hall and Oates on the jukebox?
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By show of hands, who cares if they never, ever hear another word about:
Kyl vs. Pederson
Napolitano vs. Munsil
Proposition 100, 101, 102....Screw it. Anything preceded by the word "Prop."
Illegal immigration
Polygamists
Mark Foley
Dennis Hastert
Global warming
Russell Pearce and "Operation Wetback"
Democrats retaking congress
And on and on and on and on........
At least Foley is entertaining. He allows you to dust off all those old Michael Jackson pedophile jokes and just replace Jacko's name with Foley's.
Kyl and Pederson? Give me a break. Who really thinks that their lives will be changed one iota based upon which of these geniuses gets elected? They probably both have corporate ownership stamps on their asses, anyway.
Munsil? Just what we need. Another homophobic bible-thumper to run our state.
And how the hell am I supposed to make even a scientific wild-ass guess at all these propositions? If I have to study and vote on all this shit anyway, then why do I need a congressman? It's like hiring a maid and then having her watch while I clean my own house.
Somebody actually wants me to vote (Prop 204) on whether or not hogs should have a pen large enough to turn around in. What makes these people think a hog even wants to turn around? It is their porcine destiny to be sliced up and put in a skillet, anyway. I doubt they give a shit what's going on behind them.
How about we just put their cages on rotating platforms, like that stage at the Celebrity Theater ? Won't that solve the problem?
I'd just stay away on election day, if not for the tobacco propositions. Don't get me wrong. I hate smoking, and I despise tobacco. That's just me. I hate it almost as badly as I hate a bunch of anti-smoking Nazis who think smokers should pay for shit that has absolutely nothing to do with smoking, or who want to dictate to a restaurant owner whether or not he/she can allow smoking in his/her own business. Allow smoking? Fine. I just won't go in. There's my vote.
Wait a minute, here.......How about I introduce a proposition that would make it illegal to play shitty music in bars? Wouldn't it be great to enjoy a cold beer, and never have to concern yourself with whether or not some insensitive asshole will put Hall and Oates on the jukebox?
