Parrothead Ramblings

The infamous 1st birthday photo that was posted all over the Casa de Crime Dog on Saturday. Wayners on the left, me with my "bunny rabbit" cake, and the late great Gene-O. Sail on, brother.

OK, so I've known for a couple of weeks that The Fetching Mrs Crime Dog was instigating something for this past Saturday night. It started when I suggested we throw a Parrot Grande Pre-Party at Crime Dog's New Margaritaville West Cement Pond and Tiki Bar. She thought it was a good idea, but then a few days later strongly suggested that I accept an invitation from Joe E to go play golf that afternoon.

Don't worry. Bo and I can take care of all the decorations and stuff.

Huh?

I suggest a party, then she suggests I go play gof while she does all the work? Hey, I'm a trained investigator. I ain't stupid.

So I went along. Joe E, Steve-O and Joe E's buddy Ryan and I all played the Raven at South Mountain Saturday afternoon, returning to a parking quagmire that covered my street and around the corner. No sooner did I open the door then I was met with a rousing chorus of "Happy Birthday," and the big 5-0 party was on.

The Fetching Mrs Crime Dog has known for years that I've always wanted a really nice Grandfather Clock. I'm fixin' to be a Grandfather twice over, so I guess she figured now is the time. She handed me a big basket full of birthday cards, and I opened each one and read it aloud. Each had a check or a wad of cash inside, and thus was born "Crime Dog's Grandfather Clock Fund." That's one reason The Fetching Mrs. Crime Dog is so special: She thinks of stuff like that. She is really something.

Stan the Man gave me a nice little care package filled with Depends, lubricants, an AARP magazine (Sorry Stan - already a member!) and one of those plastic bottles to piss in when you can't get out of bed. I promptly filled it with beer and just kept drinking. My good friends Big Jim and Mary came through with some very cool unbreakable wine glasses that look like real glass, perfect around the pool! I'll be phloating and sipping frome those guys very soon.

And what a special treat! The lovely Miss J presented me with a hand painted picture of a Parrot in pirate regalia, with the banner "A Pirate Looks At 50" below. Incredible. I knew she sould sing....but paint too? She even sang Sarah McLachlan for me, and sounded better than Sarah. This lady is really something.

So, if you missed this party for some reason, I'm here to tell you that you missed one of the best parties ever. There was rum and cooked animals and bullshit by the ton. Everybody brought beer, and we still managed to kill a keg by about 10:00. This naturally required the most sober among us to make a beer run.

Karaoke Kim showed up and every body sang and conga-lined the evening away. Dan The Man brought his harmonicas, so I hope you didn't leave early or you missed one helluva show! You just get the rhythm going and Dan The Man will electrify the crowd with those things. That boy can blow some Blues, baby, and he stole the show Saturday night. Off the hook!

I crashed around 1:30AM, and there was still a boisterous poker game going on out in the gazebo. I can at least say I was the last old man standing.

I just can't thank everybody enough who came out and celebrated with me. Phins up to you Parrotheads, it was just incredible! I'm not sure how many pholks showed up, but I know we killed 68 cheeseburgers. Not everybody ate 'em either, as we had a few who abstained or munched dead birds and tater salad instead.

A special thanks to everybody who stepped in and helped out - Joe E and Ryan for the golf game diversion, The Fetching Bo who worked her pregnant little butt off around here, Wayne-o, Matt and ZMan for all their hard work in prepping this joint for the party, and Matt again for all that cooking he did out there along with Stevie, who brought a big ass barbecue grille just for the occasion, as well as his lovely bride, The Fetching Meredith, who watched Ladybug in the pool for us, Karaoke Kim and Dan the Man for keeping the party rolling. Wow, I hate doing this because I know I'll miss somebody......Oh, and of course to The Ladybug, who somehow managed to keep this shindig secret for the past month. Quite an accomplishment for a five-year-old!

And the biggest thanks of all to that lady who has made my life great for the last 30+ years - I love you so much, and you gave so much of yourself to pull this off. I'll never be able to equal this.

All right, we're all warmed up and ready for Parrot Grande now. As the man says:

If I don't die by Thursday, I'll be roaring Friday night!
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