Monday, August 15, 2005
Pins To The Left, Pins To The Right
What's the deal with bowling? I've done it only a few times, and I just don't get it. What the hell is it, anyway? A sport? A game? An activity? I don't have an answer. It's tough to define a game that seems to require alcohol and nicotine to play. I bowled Saturday night with a group of phriends from The AZ Parrothead Club, and I gotta say that this is easily the most boring game on the planet. It was still an assload of fun because of the great company and always-flowing cervezas, but I cannot imagine in my worst nightmare what it must be like to bowl alone. It brings to mind a lot of old similes in the format of "It's as boring as________________." Fill in the blank -
Watching paint dry
Watching a bumper rust
Nascar
An exercise bike
Reading departure signs in some big airport
Church
Shopping
This blog
What was really fun was when I managed to tie Annette, who was on the lane next to me, at 83 with a spare in the 10th. I had one more ball, and asked her how many pins I needed to beat her. She held up one finger. Not the same finger I would have held up, had the roles been reversed, but I got the message. So I lined it up, rolled the ball, and just nipped one back pin for an 84. Of course, I played it off as though I intended to hit only one, but that wasn't true. I was aiming for the middle. I really just suck at the game and nearly missed the whole damn stack.
As you might expect, I got my ass handed to me by pretty much everybody. Well, except for Wastnawa, who bowled most of the game while sitting in a chair. And I didn't beat him by very much. Some of those pholks take that shit seriously. Golf God has his own bowling ball, shoes, shirt, and goodie bag. Even Arizona Cheesehead came equipped. She was so focused she didn't even notice when I was pretending to whack her in the ass with the arm off an Adirodack chair while she lined up her shot.
Wait a minute.....shot.....do they call it that in bowling? I don't know the slang.Or is it a roll, or maybe a ball, or a bowl?
I got it: it's a "bore." As in:
Nice bore there, Charlie. Brought me to tears.
OK, just one more bore, then we're through boring and go home.
Anybody wanna go boring tonight?
Wow. Got all ten. Now that's boring.
All that aside. I'm looking forward to going again. Next time, I'll be talking shit to Annette and Wastnawa.
I got that going for me.
