Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Cool Water Entry Techniques
I checked the water temp in my pool this morning, and discovered it to be only 86 degrees. Huh? I didn't think I'd see that till late September. I barely stuck in one foot and backed out. Shrinkage ain't my thing, and I've become too acclimated to 94 to plunge right into 86. I gotta get there slowly.
So I mentioned that to Wayners, my bro. Little did I know, being a new pool owner, that there are certain techniques to entering your pool at 86. And I quote:
86 is the perfect temperature, once you get past the initial shock. I'm not talking about the "you need ten pounds of shock" shock, I'm talking the three Adam's apples shock. The trick is the bellybutton. Somehow it's never a problem getting wet up to the place where the "Indian shot you." Get in deeper, it's like another day at the Guantanamo Bay resort. I've discovered that a dive will usually do the trick. Plus, once you're in the air you're pretty much committed. The trick is to not tense up before you hit the water. Then again, the cool water feels good on a hyper-extended back. Also, make sure you have a PFD handy in case there's no understanding souls around to help you get your incapacitated ass (or back) out of the water. There's also the "step off the coping" style. Works pretty good, if the sudden coolness doesn't cause you to forget to bend your knees. Sort of makes you feel like your hip bone is connected to your jaw bone. Oh, and don't hold your nose, it's makes you look like a rookie water plungerer (That's a word isn't it?). At any rate, that's why I always rely on the tried and true three cervesa method. No explanation needed.
So, if I wanna swim in the morning, I just gotta start drinking earlier. Simple! Of course, I'm still not sure what to do about the shrinkage.....If George and Jerry don't know, how am I supposed to?
GEORGE: Do women know about shrinkage?
ELAINE: What do you mean, like laundry?
GEORGE: No.
JERRY: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...
ELAINE: It shrinks?
JERRY: Like a frightened turtle!
ELAINE: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
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So I mentioned that to Wayners, my bro. Little did I know, being a new pool owner, that there are certain techniques to entering your pool at 86. And I quote:
86 is the perfect temperature, once you get past the initial shock. I'm not talking about the "you need ten pounds of shock" shock, I'm talking the three Adam's apples shock. The trick is the bellybutton. Somehow it's never a problem getting wet up to the place where the "Indian shot you." Get in deeper, it's like another day at the Guantanamo Bay resort. I've discovered that a dive will usually do the trick. Plus, once you're in the air you're pretty much committed. The trick is to not tense up before you hit the water. Then again, the cool water feels good on a hyper-extended back. Also, make sure you have a PFD handy in case there's no understanding souls around to help you get your incapacitated ass (or back) out of the water. There's also the "step off the coping" style. Works pretty good, if the sudden coolness doesn't cause you to forget to bend your knees. Sort of makes you feel like your hip bone is connected to your jaw bone. Oh, and don't hold your nose, it's makes you look like a rookie water plungerer (That's a word isn't it?). At any rate, that's why I always rely on the tried and true three cervesa method. No explanation needed.
So, if I wanna swim in the morning, I just gotta start drinking earlier. Simple! Of course, I'm still not sure what to do about the shrinkage.....If George and Jerry don't know, how am I supposed to?
GEORGE: Do women know about shrinkage?
ELAINE: What do you mean, like laundry?
GEORGE: No.
JERRY: Like when a man goes swimming... afterwards...
ELAINE: It shrinks?
JERRY: Like a frightened turtle!
ELAINE: I don't know how you guys walk around with those things.
