Tuesday, August 02, 2005
From the "You've GOT To Be Shitting Me" Department
A 19-year-old Pennsylvania woman has been charged with prostitution for selling sexual favors. Big deal, you say. Happens every day. Well, yeah, except in this case her two johns were arrested along with her. Still no big deal, right? OK, here's the good part:
The johns were 71 and 83 years old.
Say what? These retired guys on a fixed income have the cash to pay a hooker? Oh, well, that doesn't seem quite so odd when you find out that she was only charging $4 and $6 for whatever in the hell it was she was doing to them. Or for them, as the case may be.
All right, admittedly, I don't have a hooker price list handy. I have no clue what they charge for their various er....services. But I do watch Cops from time to time, and I was a cop for several years, so with what little knowledge I've gained on the subject, I'm pretty sure those prices are a bit on the low end.
Now, it's common knowledge that an inferior product commands an inferior price. Except for the Arizona Cardinals, that is. But I digress. If a street skank gets $40 for her services, does that mean this Pannsylvania babe is eight times less attractive than a Van Buren Ho? Or maybe just eight times less talented? Either way, this is one hurtin' woman. We're talking like Medusa turning your ass to stone fugly, here. A two-bagger. Coyote ugly and a three axe-handle ass. With "Summer Teeth". Summer there, summer missing. Mama hung a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her. Got more chins than the Hong Kong phone book. Once went to a haunted house and came out with a paycheck. Yada yada yada.
Good luck convicting these guys, Pennsylvania. I doubt the evidence will stand up in court.
Now, as if that's not enough weird shit going on in the world, I find out that Anheuser-Busch plans to test market fruit-flavored beers in the Phoenix area.
As if flavored coffee is not insidious enough, here comes "pomegranate raspberry beer". You know that TV commercial where the guy acts like a pussy-whipped geek, and the giant beer can comes crashing down on him? Just be prepared. You order one of these things, guys, I hope a twelve-pack of those bad boys squashes your ass.
See you tomorrow.
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The johns were 71 and 83 years old.
Say what? These retired guys on a fixed income have the cash to pay a hooker? Oh, well, that doesn't seem quite so odd when you find out that she was only charging $4 and $6 for whatever in the hell it was she was doing to them. Or for them, as the case may be.
All right, admittedly, I don't have a hooker price list handy. I have no clue what they charge for their various er....services. But I do watch Cops from time to time, and I was a cop for several years, so with what little knowledge I've gained on the subject, I'm pretty sure those prices are a bit on the low end.
Now, it's common knowledge that an inferior product commands an inferior price. Except for the Arizona Cardinals, that is. But I digress. If a street skank gets $40 for her services, does that mean this Pannsylvania babe is eight times less attractive than a Van Buren Ho? Or maybe just eight times less talented? Either way, this is one hurtin' woman. We're talking like Medusa turning your ass to stone fugly, here. A two-bagger. Coyote ugly and a three axe-handle ass. With "Summer Teeth". Summer there, summer missing. Mama hung a pork chop around her neck to get the dog to play with her. Got more chins than the Hong Kong phone book. Once went to a haunted house and came out with a paycheck. Yada yada yada.
Good luck convicting these guys, Pennsylvania. I doubt the evidence will stand up in court.
Now, as if that's not enough weird shit going on in the world, I find out that Anheuser-Busch plans to test market fruit-flavored beers in the Phoenix area.
As if flavored coffee is not insidious enough, here comes "pomegranate raspberry beer". You know that TV commercial where the guy acts like a pussy-whipped geek, and the giant beer can comes crashing down on him? Just be prepared. You order one of these things, guys, I hope a twelve-pack of those bad boys squashes your ass.
See you tomorrow.
