Parrothead Ramblings

Here you go, big brother. Current bid is $36 on EBay. Go for it!

Crime Dog's Note: How 'bout this? My first ever "guest blogger"! None other than my faithful Parrothead brother, hereinafter known as "Wayners." Enjoy!

We went to the Lone Star Parrothead Club's tenth birthday party Saturday night. The party was at "The Oasis", a great place on Joe Pool Lake. Takes about 45 minutes and three or four beers to get there from the house. After a “Drink up me hearties, yo ho” evening it takes about an hour-and-a-half to get back, unless I have to drive past Texas Stadium. At any rate, we were met at the door by a couple of mermaids who ceremoniously bestowed upon me a glass that blinks and has my island name (Wayners) on it. That’s when I saw it: The finest neon parrot to ever grace this continent. I’m talking red, green, yellow, about three feet tall. Damn, it was purdy and I wanted that neon parrot. Bad.

I couldn’t whip it out quick enough (my money that is). I bought ten zillion raffle tickets. I mean I REALLY WANTED THAT NEON PARROT. The money I spent on tickets would have bought an entire flock of neon parrots, together with round-trip first class airfare to Margaritaville to pick ‘em up. Now I had to wait for the drawing, one of several to be held during the evening. Meanwhile, I’m having a great time. Drinking, dancing, telling jokes (yeah, telling 'em, not reading ‘em), but never taking my eyes off the neon parrot for more than a minute or so. Finally, it's time. There I was, completely focused on all those gold tickets spread out in front of me in numerical order,tingling with anticipatory glee, ready to throw my arms up in victory and claim my prize. The tension becomes unbearable as the club secretary reaches into the bucket. I glance at Pan Jan (Wayner's fetching wife,) revealing to her my edge-of-the-seat anticipation. All I see is her famous "WHAT A DUMBASS" look (As I recall, she may have even uttered those very words just loud enough for the entire two hundred or so people to hear). I look at her and say, “What?” She smiles, puts her hand in my hand and says, “If you want to take that bird home there’s a couple of things you should know. First, it’s not going on the bar. Second, you clean it. Third, you have to tear the bottom of your tickets off and put them in the green bucket.”

AAAAAARGH!!!!

Bye bye neon parrot. I’ve never seen an evening go sideways so fast. But wait, there's still the split-the-pot drawing at the end of the evening. Damn, they’ve been drawing tickets all night long, plus some of the phlock has already gone home. You have to be present to win, and I still have ALL my tickets. That puts the odds clearly in my favor. Yep, I'll wait for the final drawing. That's about Oh, I don't know, another ten Coronas away. No problem, I'm running a tab. Finally it arrives, time for the big drawing. There I am, re-focused on those ten zillion little gold tickets. At a dollar a pop that's like my entire summer beer budget spread out in front of me. Then, as the secretary reaches in the tub to pull out my Cancun vacation, she says "Okay all you parrotheads, look at your blue tickets".....Wha.....A what ticket?....I immediately glance at Pan Jan and she's smiling at me once again with that still famous "WHAT A DUMBASS" look.

AAAAAARGH!
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