Friday, July 15, 2005
The Mother (So To Speak) Of All Segues.......
Talking about Moms (Sail on, Mom) and growing older reminds me of a story. But then, doesn't everything?
One of my best phriends, T. Rex, had his Mom staying with him for a while due to some ongoing health issues. Rex and I have one of those friendships where we spend endless hours insulting, berating, and mocking one another, just like brothers.
Right, asshole?
See how easy that is? I just drilled Wayne-o and T Rex at once. They don't know which one just got called an asshole. That's the way it goes, guys. If the shoe fits........(BTW, if you haven't already, go back and look at Wayne-o's comment on yesterday's post. It's a classic!)
But I digress. I also have a great relationship with The Fetching Mrs. T Rex, AKA Princess Constance of The Land of Perkiness. That's where this particular piece of trouble got started. I called Rex to confirm some plans to get together with him and some of our guy phriends at his house. The phone call went something like this:
Brrrriiiiiiing!
Princess: Hello?
Crime Dog: Well, hello beautiful.
Princess: Hi!
Crime Dog: This is an obscene phone call.
Princess: Hmm. OK.
Crime Dog: You know who this is? This is your dream guy. Wanna know what I'm gonna do to you?
Princess: No! Do tell!
Crime Dog: I'm gonna put you in a negligee, handcuff you, cover you in whipped cream, and tickle you with an ostrich feather till you scream for mercy.
Princess: OK! Sounds like fun.
Crime Dog: (Seriously now) Hey, are the guys still meeting at your house tonight?
Princess: God, I hope not. This place is a mess. Let me ask Rex. (Pulls phone away from mouth) Rex! There's some guy on the phone who wants to come over and have weird sex with me, and he also wants to know whether some guys are meeting here tonight.
T Rex: (From a distance) Yeah, tell 'im to come on over.
Princess: Rex says c'mon over. I'll get a bath and be ready.
Crime Dog: Um, errr, Connie?
Princess Grandma Rex: No, this is T Rex's mother......
Now, every time I see T Rex, he gives me shit about hitting on his Mom, talking dirty to her, how she's still waiting for me to make good, etc etc. God knows I deserve it.
Hey, there's a thought: Maybe we could hang out at some AARP functions together.
Now, what did I do with those black socks and giant wrap-around sunglasses........
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One of my best phriends, T. Rex, had his Mom staying with him for a while due to some ongoing health issues. Rex and I have one of those friendships where we spend endless hours insulting, berating, and mocking one another, just like brothers.
Right, asshole?
See how easy that is? I just drilled Wayne-o and T Rex at once. They don't know which one just got called an asshole. That's the way it goes, guys. If the shoe fits........(BTW, if you haven't already, go back and look at Wayne-o's comment on yesterday's post. It's a classic!)
But I digress. I also have a great relationship with The Fetching Mrs. T Rex, AKA Princess Constance of The Land of Perkiness. That's where this particular piece of trouble got started. I called Rex to confirm some plans to get together with him and some of our guy phriends at his house. The phone call went something like this:
Brrrriiiiiiing!
Princess: Hello?
Crime Dog: Well, hello beautiful.
Princess: Hi!
Crime Dog: This is an obscene phone call.
Princess: Hmm. OK.
Crime Dog: You know who this is? This is your dream guy. Wanna know what I'm gonna do to you?
Princess: No! Do tell!
Crime Dog: I'm gonna put you in a negligee, handcuff you, cover you in whipped cream, and tickle you with an ostrich feather till you scream for mercy.
Princess: OK! Sounds like fun.
Crime Dog: (Seriously now) Hey, are the guys still meeting at your house tonight?
Princess: God, I hope not. This place is a mess. Let me ask Rex. (Pulls phone away from mouth) Rex! There's some guy on the phone who wants to come over and have weird sex with me, and he also wants to know whether some guys are meeting here tonight.
T Rex: (From a distance) Yeah, tell 'im to come on over.
Princess: Rex says c'mon over. I'll get a bath and be ready.
Crime Dog: Um, errr, Connie?
Now, every time I see T Rex, he gives me shit about hitting on his Mom, talking dirty to her, how she's still waiting for me to make good, etc etc. God knows I deserve it.
Hey, there's a thought: Maybe we could hang out at some AARP functions together.
Now, what did I do with those black socks and giant wrap-around sunglasses........
