Tuesday, August 16, 2005
I'm Losing My Hearing, But I Don't Care What Most People Say
Man, am I miserable! I've had water in my left ear for like two weeks. It's the weirdest thing. I feel like if I could just tilt my head left and jump up and down on my left foot, it would drain out. I've tilted and hopped so much that now I need a chiropractor in addition to an ear specialist.
Yes, I've tried pouring alcohol in there. Yes, I've done that thing where I jammed a cotton ball so far into my ear I could grab it through my right ear and floss my brain. Hmm, mental floss? And yes, I've been holding my nose and blowing so much my eyes are now permanently distended like that crazy woman from Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
What's next? Maybe I'll jam a blow dryer into my ear and let 'er rip. Better yet, a wet vac. Or I can jam a bag of that dessicant stuff into my ear. You know, those little bags that come packed with electronic gadgets and say "do not eat" on them? I can't tell you how many times that little warning has saved my ass. It's just so inviting to rip that shit open and slam it, or maybe pour it into my coffee.
So, I'm entertaining all home remedy ideas for getting water out of my ear. I will immediately eliminate all remedies that call for the use of a power drill, air compressor, or blow torch. I'm not wild about soldering irons, either.
C'mon phriends. Whaddaya got?
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Yes, I've tried pouring alcohol in there. Yes, I've done that thing where I jammed a cotton ball so far into my ear I could grab it through my right ear and floss my brain. Hmm, mental floss? And yes, I've been holding my nose and blowing so much my eyes are now permanently distended like that crazy woman from Ripley's Believe It Or Not.
What's next? Maybe I'll jam a blow dryer into my ear and let 'er rip. Better yet, a wet vac. Or I can jam a bag of that dessicant stuff into my ear. You know, those little bags that come packed with electronic gadgets and say "do not eat" on them? I can't tell you how many times that little warning has saved my ass. It's just so inviting to rip that shit open and slam it, or maybe pour it into my coffee.
So, I'm entertaining all home remedy ideas for getting water out of my ear. I will immediately eliminate all remedies that call for the use of a power drill, air compressor, or blow torch. I'm not wild about soldering irons, either.
C'mon phriends. Whaddaya got?
