Tuesday, December 12, 2006
All The News That's Fit To Ridicule
Today is one of those days that the newspaper was just fun to read. A hoot.
How does the current best danged driver in the whole danged country, Jimmie Johnson, manage to fly around a NASCAR track at 200+MPH for an entire season, with other drivers inches away from him at the same suicidal speed, and not get so much as a hemorrhoid from sitting so long? Only then to fall out of a golf cart at a charity golf event and break his wrist? Well, whether or not he fell out or off depends on who's telling the story. Some say he fell out when the driver made a sudden turn, others say he was grab-assing around on the roof or somesuch and fell off. Hell, I like the latter story better. Sounds like something I'd do. Maybe Cheesehead can get him to the next Parrothead get-together, but she'll probably have relax her standards and sleep with him.
Then there's Cindy Sheehan, the anti-war activist with whose cause I sympathize, but whose methods make her look like a tool. Some judge in NYC just let her off the hook on a trespassing charge, but told her she'd be in big trouble if this happens again in the next six months. That's like telling your kid if he plays hooky from school just one more time, you won't let him go to school for a week.
Here's a good question: Now that cooler, perhaps even more intelligent, heads are finally beginning to prevail on the issue of the Iraq war, what's a Cindy Sheehan to do? She's going to have to find another cause to get her picture in the paper. If the war goes away, she goes away with it, giving her a vested interest in the continuation of the war. When we finally get out of this ill-conceived mess, we'll find out of she's for real, I suppose.
It's a lot like feminism and reproductive rights. I honestly don't think a woman's right to choose is in any danger in this country, regardless of who gets put on the High Court. Those of us who don't let our preachers do our thinking for us simply won't let that happen. But the gains women have made in virtually all aspects of life tend to leave abortion as the sole issue remaining for feminists to justify their existence. Once again, a vested interest in keeping alive that which you rail against. After all, women's suffrage is no longer an issue, right? (You gotta click that link, it's a riot.)
And then there's Iran, in the news today for denying that the Holocaust ever occurred. It's just a big fabrication, a conspiracy! It was invented by the same guys who brought you the lone gunman vs the grassy knoll in Dallas, the UFO vs weather balloon in Roswell, WMDs in Iraq, and who attacked us on 9/11 and blamed it on Muslims. All those photos of emaciated bodies in prison stripes, stacked up on handcarts and being shoveled into ovens? A typhus outbreak. Nothing more. Never mind that the nation responsible for the Holocaust admits it happened. It's just a Zionist plot to justify the occupation of Palestine.
It's scary enough when ass-monkeys like David Duke spout that crap, but a sovereign nation and major world player? With allegedly intelligent leadership? And a nuclear program? Oh, wait a minute.....that's right. We were talking about justifying one's existence, weren't we?
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How does the current best danged driver in the whole danged country, Jimmie Johnson, manage to fly around a NASCAR track at 200+MPH for an entire season, with other drivers inches away from him at the same suicidal speed, and not get so much as a hemorrhoid from sitting so long? Only then to fall out of a golf cart at a charity golf event and break his wrist? Well, whether or not he fell out or off depends on who's telling the story. Some say he fell out when the driver made a sudden turn, others say he was grab-assing around on the roof or somesuch and fell off. Hell, I like the latter story better. Sounds like something I'd do. Maybe Cheesehead can get him to the next Parrothead get-together, but she'll probably have relax her standards and sleep with him.
Then there's Cindy Sheehan, the anti-war activist with whose cause I sympathize, but whose methods make her look like a tool. Some judge in NYC just let her off the hook on a trespassing charge, but told her she'd be in big trouble if this happens again in the next six months. That's like telling your kid if he plays hooky from school just one more time, you won't let him go to school for a week.
Here's a good question: Now that cooler, perhaps even more intelligent, heads are finally beginning to prevail on the issue of the Iraq war, what's a Cindy Sheehan to do? She's going to have to find another cause to get her picture in the paper. If the war goes away, she goes away with it, giving her a vested interest in the continuation of the war. When we finally get out of this ill-conceived mess, we'll find out of she's for real, I suppose.
It's a lot like feminism and reproductive rights. I honestly don't think a woman's right to choose is in any danger in this country, regardless of who gets put on the High Court. Those of us who don't let our preachers do our thinking for us simply won't let that happen. But the gains women have made in virtually all aspects of life tend to leave abortion as the sole issue remaining for feminists to justify their existence. Once again, a vested interest in keeping alive that which you rail against. After all, women's suffrage is no longer an issue, right? (You gotta click that link, it's a riot.)
And then there's Iran, in the news today for denying that the Holocaust ever occurred. It's just a big fabrication, a conspiracy! It was invented by the same guys who brought you the lone gunman vs the grassy knoll in Dallas, the UFO vs weather balloon in Roswell, WMDs in Iraq, and who attacked us on 9/11 and blamed it on Muslims. All those photos of emaciated bodies in prison stripes, stacked up on handcarts and being shoveled into ovens? A typhus outbreak. Nothing more. Never mind that the nation responsible for the Holocaust admits it happened. It's just a Zionist plot to justify the occupation of Palestine.
It's scary enough when ass-monkeys like David Duke spout that crap, but a sovereign nation and major world player? With allegedly intelligent leadership? And a nuclear program? Oh, wait a minute.....that's right. We were talking about justifying one's existence, weren't we?
