Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Tacky, Yet Unrefined
My good friend The Wood Eye let off a little steam today on a matter we need not discuss further in this venue. I suggested he have a couple of beers, but he upgraded to a single malt scotch.
Now, I admit I know zippity-squat about Scotch. Or wine. Or cigars. Mea culpa. I tried Scotch once several years ago, and it tasted oddly like what I would expect a mid-level floor sanitizer to taste like, should I be so inclined as to actually imbibe on a mid-level floor sanitizer. Or even high-level floor sanitizer, for that matter. Maybe the stuff I tasted was cheap shit, I don't know. On another occasion, I took a sip of a friend's Scotch, a single glass of which cost more than my entire steak dinner at a pretty nice restaurant. It was smooth, but still reminded me a little of dog shampoo. Anybody that's ever bathed a dog knows what dog shampoo tastes like.
I'm guessing it's the whole cheap-ass "single malt" thing. If you're going to have Scotch, cough up the extra bucks and get the good stuff - something with more than just a single malt. Hell, go all out and get like three or even four malts.
Same thing with wine. Like Navin R. Johnson would say: Keep the old wine, and bring me something fresh. A glass of chilled Arbor Mist peach wine will do just fine, or maybe some Boone's Farm.
Cigars? Forget about it. I smoke one "good" cigar, I'm wishing I was a dog. That way, I could lick my own ass to get the taste out of my mouth. It's Swisher Sweets for me, my man. Some even have a little plastic tip on them so I don't get those itty-bitty pieces of tobacco in my mouth. And they actually smell and taste pretty good, so long as you don't make the mistake of lighting them.
So I'm unrefined. I admit it. Mea maxima culpa. Sue me.
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Now, I admit I know zippity-squat about Scotch. Or wine. Or cigars. Mea culpa. I tried Scotch once several years ago, and it tasted oddly like what I would expect a mid-level floor sanitizer to taste like, should I be so inclined as to actually imbibe on a mid-level floor sanitizer. Or even high-level floor sanitizer, for that matter. Maybe the stuff I tasted was cheap shit, I don't know. On another occasion, I took a sip of a friend's Scotch, a single glass of which cost more than my entire steak dinner at a pretty nice restaurant. It was smooth, but still reminded me a little of dog shampoo. Anybody that's ever bathed a dog knows what dog shampoo tastes like.
I'm guessing it's the whole cheap-ass "single malt" thing. If you're going to have Scotch, cough up the extra bucks and get the good stuff - something with more than just a single malt. Hell, go all out and get like three or even four malts.
Same thing with wine. Like Navin R. Johnson would say: Keep the old wine, and bring me something fresh. A glass of chilled Arbor Mist peach wine will do just fine, or maybe some Boone's Farm.
Cigars? Forget about it. I smoke one "good" cigar, I'm wishing I was a dog. That way, I could lick my own ass to get the taste out of my mouth. It's Swisher Sweets for me, my man. Some even have a little plastic tip on them so I don't get those itty-bitty pieces of tobacco in my mouth. And they actually smell and taste pretty good, so long as you don't make the mistake of lighting them.
So I'm unrefined. I admit it. Mea maxima culpa. Sue me.
