Monday, August 28, 2006
Sticker Shock and Awe Part 2
Ladybug came over Saturday afternoon, sparkling with energy and dying for us to take her somewhere and do something.
How about a movie?
"No. We just sit there and watch."
I thought that was the idea. What do you suggest?
"Let's go to Amazing Jakes!"
TFMCD politely informs it's some kind of indoor amusement park in Mesa. Should be pretty reasonable to get the kid in there, ride some rides, play some games, and get her home. I'm cool with that.
So, off we go to Amazing Jakes. First we stood in line for about ten minutes while some inept teenaged clerks dealt with a huge crowd of two whole customers.
At length, it's our turn. We move to the cash register, only to be told that this was the party entrance. We have to go back outside, down the sidewalk, and walk west to the next door.
Would it kill you to maybe put a sign on the door that says "Party Entrance - Next Door Please"?
So we go out the door, back into the heat, follow the sidewalk, and go in the next door, then walk about a mile through the serpentine dividers to reach the front.
Surprise. We end up about six feet from the girl who told us we were in the wrong place. It's the same counter, but just around the corner.
Would it kill you to just say "Step around the corner here, and she'll help you"?
The new inept teenager charges me $30.
Wait - why am I paying to get in? I don't want to ride anything. I'm just here to hang out with Ladybug and watch her.
"Sir, that's for the buffet."
Buffet? I don't want any buffet.
"But it's out in the open. You just go up and get whatever you want."
OK, I promise not to eat your buffet. Cross my heart. We're on a diet that does not include a sodium encrusted overbaked, overcooked steam-tabled buffet. How's that?
"Sorry. You have to pay to get in."
Would it kill you to simply sell a buffet ticket or wristband, so I don't get charged for inedible food I don't want and won't eat?
So, I ponied up the bucks and we went in.
It didn't get any better from there. Amazing Jakes is Hell's Disneyland.
I've had the misfortune in my 50+ years to encounter some poorly managed, inept enterprises, but this has to have been absolutely the most mismanaged business I've ever encountered. Their employment ads must read something like:
WANTED - Surly, ill-mannered teens to operate dysfunctional indoor amusement park. Must be unable to count change or to interact effectively with both children and adults. Those who smile or have any personality whatsoever need not apply.
Would it kill you to smile? Maybe to interact with the kids a little? Laugh with them good-naturedly, even if you're faking it?
I'm not kidding: There must be a hundred teens operating that place, and every last one of them dragged their asses around like they needed Geritol and refused to smile or be helpful in any way whatsoever. And that's not an exaggeration. Oh, wait....there was that one guy running the kiddy train who kind of smiled at the chick running the merry-go-round next door to him. I think he was hitting on her, so that doesn't count.
Of course, we paid for the buffet, so we went over just to get a salad. Bad food. Filthy floor. Dirty tables. Nearly busted my ass slipping on salad dressing spilled onto the floor.
Would it kill you to have one of your surly teens out here to clean the floor and tables?
They do have a bar, though. Saving grace. But I'm off the sauce until Parrot Grande.
You know how the kids play all those games, and they win those tickets, and the tickets can be redeemed for overpriced trinkets, so that the Spider Man squirt gun your kid won cost you somewhere around $50? Well, Amazing Jakes managed to screw that up too. You have to take your tickets - we had 400 of them - and feed them into a machine that then gives you a receipt with the number of tickets printed on it. There were five such machines in the area. Three didn't work.
So, let's recap:
Stand in line to get in the door
Stand in line to buy ride tickets
Stand in line to ride the rides
Stand in line to get to the shitty buffet
Stand in line to feed your tickets into a machine, only for the machine to break
Stand in line to redeem your 400 tickets (Yes, I said 400!) for an inflatable sledgehammer, a squishy thing-a-ma-jig, a little Chinese fan, and the world's most annoying toy harmonica.
Amazing Jakes, you suck.
|
How about a movie?
"No. We just sit there and watch."
I thought that was the idea. What do you suggest?
"Let's go to Amazing Jakes!"
TFMCD politely informs it's some kind of indoor amusement park in Mesa. Should be pretty reasonable to get the kid in there, ride some rides, play some games, and get her home. I'm cool with that.
So, off we go to Amazing Jakes. First we stood in line for about ten minutes while some inept teenaged clerks dealt with a huge crowd of two whole customers.
At length, it's our turn. We move to the cash register, only to be told that this was the party entrance. We have to go back outside, down the sidewalk, and walk west to the next door.
Would it kill you to maybe put a sign on the door that says "Party Entrance - Next Door Please"?
So we go out the door, back into the heat, follow the sidewalk, and go in the next door, then walk about a mile through the serpentine dividers to reach the front.
Surprise. We end up about six feet from the girl who told us we were in the wrong place. It's the same counter, but just around the corner.
Would it kill you to just say "Step around the corner here, and she'll help you"?
The new inept teenager charges me $30.
Wait - why am I paying to get in? I don't want to ride anything. I'm just here to hang out with Ladybug and watch her.
"Sir, that's for the buffet."
Buffet? I don't want any buffet.
"But it's out in the open. You just go up and get whatever you want."
OK, I promise not to eat your buffet. Cross my heart. We're on a diet that does not include a sodium encrusted overbaked, overcooked steam-tabled buffet. How's that?
"Sorry. You have to pay to get in."
Would it kill you to simply sell a buffet ticket or wristband, so I don't get charged for inedible food I don't want and won't eat?
So, I ponied up the bucks and we went in.
It didn't get any better from there. Amazing Jakes is Hell's Disneyland.
I've had the misfortune in my 50+ years to encounter some poorly managed, inept enterprises, but this has to have been absolutely the most mismanaged business I've ever encountered. Their employment ads must read something like:
WANTED - Surly, ill-mannered teens to operate dysfunctional indoor amusement park. Must be unable to count change or to interact effectively with both children and adults. Those who smile or have any personality whatsoever need not apply.
Would it kill you to smile? Maybe to interact with the kids a little? Laugh with them good-naturedly, even if you're faking it?
I'm not kidding: There must be a hundred teens operating that place, and every last one of them dragged their asses around like they needed Geritol and refused to smile or be helpful in any way whatsoever. And that's not an exaggeration. Oh, wait....there was that one guy running the kiddy train who kind of smiled at the chick running the merry-go-round next door to him. I think he was hitting on her, so that doesn't count.
Of course, we paid for the buffet, so we went over just to get a salad. Bad food. Filthy floor. Dirty tables. Nearly busted my ass slipping on salad dressing spilled onto the floor.
Would it kill you to have one of your surly teens out here to clean the floor and tables?
They do have a bar, though. Saving grace. But I'm off the sauce until Parrot Grande.
You know how the kids play all those games, and they win those tickets, and the tickets can be redeemed for overpriced trinkets, so that the Spider Man squirt gun your kid won cost you somewhere around $50? Well, Amazing Jakes managed to screw that up too. You have to take your tickets - we had 400 of them - and feed them into a machine that then gives you a receipt with the number of tickets printed on it. There were five such machines in the area. Three didn't work.
So, let's recap:
Stand in line to get in the door
Stand in line to buy ride tickets
Stand in line to ride the rides
Stand in line to get to the shitty buffet
Stand in line to feed your tickets into a machine, only for the machine to break
Stand in line to redeem your 400 tickets (Yes, I said 400!) for an inflatable sledgehammer, a squishy thing-a-ma-jig, a little Chinese fan, and the world's most annoying toy harmonica.
Amazing Jakes, you suck.
