Saturday, August 26, 2006
Don't Mess With Karma
So TFMCD and I are working on eating and drinking healthier. I want to live to see Brooklyn and Ladybug graduate from college and get married and have my great-grandkids, and to do that, I have to drop some pounds. Of course, everyone knows that fat, calories, and carbs consumed while in the act of raising charity funds for little kids don't count against you, so Parrot Grande is eat, drink, and be merry time.
To that end, I've taken to carrying one of my protein bars and a couple pieces of fruit when I go out into the field, so as to stave off the hunger demons that unfailingly start trying to kick my ass at about 2:30 or 3:00 every afternoon.
Yesterday, it was a banana, which I was munching away at as I cruised down the 17. The problem with eating bananas in your car is that you have to figure out what to do with the peel once you've finished it. On a hot day especially, you can't even think about leaving that bad boy in your car. It falls into the same league as storing a dead herring under your seat. So, as I made the transition onto the 10 to go north up to the 51, I craftily looked in my rear-view mirror.
Ha! No one behind me! I can fling this odiferous slime sack right out the window!
I was in the right lane, so I opted for the cross-vehicle throw out the passenger window. I mashed the button to lower the window, keeping my eyes on the roadway ahead like a good driver should. Once the window was lowered, I went with the right-handed throw, going back across my body to achieve maximum velocity and flinging it Frisbee-like out the window.
That's where I found out I had pushed the wrong button and had lowered my rear window, not the front. The banana peel smacked the window with a sickening splat! and just stuck there for several seconds. It slid down the window much like the infamous Billy Madison pickle race, before disarticulating itself into four peels and a stem and falling down between the door and the seat. My window looked like a giant snail with a head cold had just traversed it. By that point, I was laughing my ass off at my own incompetence, causing me to drive like I'd just slammed a whole bowl of The Queen's Jello Shots. I made a mental to be sure and dig all that banana shit out from under the seat and dispose of it in a proper receptacle, thus avoiding any future litter Karma catastrophes.
Damn Karma! Damn her!
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To that end, I've taken to carrying one of my protein bars and a couple pieces of fruit when I go out into the field, so as to stave off the hunger demons that unfailingly start trying to kick my ass at about 2:30 or 3:00 every afternoon.
Yesterday, it was a banana, which I was munching away at as I cruised down the 17. The problem with eating bananas in your car is that you have to figure out what to do with the peel once you've finished it. On a hot day especially, you can't even think about leaving that bad boy in your car. It falls into the same league as storing a dead herring under your seat. So, as I made the transition onto the 10 to go north up to the 51, I craftily looked in my rear-view mirror.
Ha! No one behind me! I can fling this odiferous slime sack right out the window!
I was in the right lane, so I opted for the cross-vehicle throw out the passenger window. I mashed the button to lower the window, keeping my eyes on the roadway ahead like a good driver should. Once the window was lowered, I went with the right-handed throw, going back across my body to achieve maximum velocity and flinging it Frisbee-like out the window.
That's where I found out I had pushed the wrong button and had lowered my rear window, not the front. The banana peel smacked the window with a sickening splat! and just stuck there for several seconds. It slid down the window much like the infamous Billy Madison pickle race, before disarticulating itself into four peels and a stem and falling down between the door and the seat. My window looked like a giant snail with a head cold had just traversed it. By that point, I was laughing my ass off at my own incompetence, causing me to drive like I'd just slammed a whole bowl of The Queen's Jello Shots. I made a mental to be sure and dig all that banana shit out from under the seat and dispose of it in a proper receptacle, thus avoiding any future litter Karma catastrophes.
Damn Karma! Damn her!
