Parrothead Ramblings

The Golf God and his apostles in their usual state of inaction. Crime Dog, Golf God, Captain Blood, Ringer, and Moose.

Another Parrot Grande is in the books, and as usual, it was something special to see. Lots of good music, lots of fun, lots of beverages, lots to talk about. I've never heard so many AARRRs in my life - all good, I might add. Take for instance in the golf tournament:

How'd we do on that hole?

Another PAARRR!

So, instead of rehashing the whole affair, I thought I would just provide you with the results of the 1st Annual Parrot Grande Crime Dog Alternative Achievement Awards. Now, I'm not saying this is a complete list. I'm not even saying these were all alcohol-related, though it is quite possible:

Most Likely To Need Remedial Training: The Goat, for pulling on the barroom door and cursing for several seconds Friday afternoon until the bartender came over and gently pushed it open for him.

Best Use of Diversionary Tactics In A Battlefield Environment: Trish, for.....well...let's just say the swimming pool water fight hostilities ceased when she revealed her ....assets.

Best Technique In Conservation Of Energy: The Golf God, for his entry in the Pirate Ship races, the SS Minimal Effort. It was an empty Corona box and a couple of bras for sails. It barely moved, yet was clearly the crowd favorite.

Best Dressed Golfers: No question, the unanimous favorites were the Golf God and his Apostles. Actually, we were the only entrants. Moose led the way with his plaid beret and kilt that.....well.....revealed his ass. Sorry, I meant to say assets.

Best Impression of a Jenga Game: Queen Juicy Fruit of The Flamingo Queens, who became tired on the party couch and had beer cups stacked by fellow partiers upon her sleepy dome.

Best Rebounder: Gotta be Beth. I thought she was done after the pool party. Then she was back for the lawn party. Then she was done again, asleep in a chair. Then back, dancing. Gone again. Back. Gone. Back. It wore me out just watching her.

Best Use of a Potato Cannon: Blenderman, for firing spuds a quarter mile onto the golf course using ether as a propellant.

Best Supporting Drunk In a Usually Non-Drinking Role: The Fetching Mrs. Crime Dog, who lit up the party Saturday night and inspired everyone to greater accomplishments.

Worst Record in Suck/Blow: Shorty, who by my last count was hovering around one win and five losses. Her lone win came against Eric The Cheap Bastard, when she blasted a load of grape Jello and tequila right down his pie hole. To his credit, Eric did manage to come back and even his record with her later.

Best Use of Ass: I gotta give that one to myself, for throwing a fake ass off the 8th floor during the Saturday party. It sailed like a UFO over the crowd and bandstand, landing gently on the lawn, where it was found by Shorty, who stuffed it into her bra, but then later bequeathed it the bartender.

Worst use of Hooter's Gear: I really don't even want to talk about it......

I'm sure there are others, but I just choked on my lunch when thinking about that last one and need to stop for a while......

Got nominations for additional awards? Bring 'em on. Got photos you want to see posted on Ramblings for all the world to look upon in amazement? Just email 'em to me. Consider it done.

Late Addition:

Best Abuse of a Nickname: By Saturday morning, my Golf Apostle attire had already turned me into "Salmon Pants." By the boat race, when an "unintentional" typo made it to the emcee, I had turned in to "Cream Dog." ARRRR!
  |