Friday, August 31, 2007
Happy Birthday To Steve-O. Oh, And Me.
It's Steve-O's birthday today. Turns out we have the same birthday. How about that?I'm 52 years old today. Does that sound old, or what? I still remember well when my father turned 50. It was 1973, and I was almost 18, just out of basic training, visiting him for while at his home in El Paso. He said to me "Son, can you believe your Dad is nearly a half-century old? A half-century?" He said it twice, as though it was too unbelievable, too incredulous to believe if said only once. I remember thinking how very, very old that was. Now, I'm two years beyond it.
If there's one thing I've learned over the past 52 years, it's that you don't stop learning things even when you're over a half-century old. A half-century. Hell, I've learned, or at least expanded upon a lot of things just in the past few weeks. For instance:
1: No matter how old, senile, and decrepit I get, I'll always be younger than my brother. Cha-ching!
2: Eating and drinking whatever in the hell you feel like eating and drinking is a lot easier and more fun than limiting your calories and food intake.
3: Man, I absolutely love YC's Mongolian Stir Fry's "Chef's Special."
4: YC's Mongolian Stir Fry's "Chef's Special" contains exactly 956 calories and enough sodium to embalm a moose. (3,926mg, for those of you keeping score at home)
5: Keeping a complete food journal that shows the nutritional facts of every crumb of food you eat can scare the bejeezus out of you.
6: Golden Retrievers who steal and then ingest an entire large order of fried okra from Church's Fried Chicken contract a massive case of the hershey squirts as a result thereof.
7: A Golden Retrievers with a massive case of the hershey squirts prefer carpeting to porcelain tile.
8: It costs exactly $184.37 to professionally clean my living room and bedroom carpets after a Golden Retriever who has ingested an entire large order of fried okra from Church's Fried Chicken has recovered from its gastrointestinal distress.
9: I golf better sober than I golf drunk. I golf better with a massive hangover than I golf either sober or drunk. I play my guitar best when drunk, or at least it sounds that way to me.
10: Getting a hole-in-one while massively hungover causes it to lose some of its luster. Did I mention that I got a hole-in-one on Saturday?
11: No matter how shitty a guitar player you are, a room full of drunk Parrotheads will sing along and treat you like Clapton.
12: I absolutely, positively adore The Fetching Mrs. Crime Dog.
A half-century old. A half-century. Man, that's a long time.
|
If there's one thing I've learned over the past 52 years, it's that you don't stop learning things even when you're over a half-century old. A half-century. Hell, I've learned, or at least expanded upon a lot of things just in the past few weeks. For instance:
1: No matter how old, senile, and decrepit I get, I'll always be younger than my brother. Cha-ching!
2: Eating and drinking whatever in the hell you feel like eating and drinking is a lot easier and more fun than limiting your calories and food intake.
3: Man, I absolutely love YC's Mongolian Stir Fry's "Chef's Special."
4: YC's Mongolian Stir Fry's "Chef's Special" contains exactly 956 calories and enough sodium to embalm a moose. (3,926mg, for those of you keeping score at home)
5: Keeping a complete food journal that shows the nutritional facts of every crumb of food you eat can scare the bejeezus out of you.
6: Golden Retrievers who steal and then ingest an entire large order of fried okra from Church's Fried Chicken contract a massive case of the hershey squirts as a result thereof.
7: A Golden Retrievers with a massive case of the hershey squirts prefer carpeting to porcelain tile.
8: It costs exactly $184.37 to professionally clean my living room and bedroom carpets after a Golden Retriever who has ingested an entire large order of fried okra from Church's Fried Chicken has recovered from its gastrointestinal distress.
9: I golf better sober than I golf drunk. I golf better with a massive hangover than I golf either sober or drunk. I play my guitar best when drunk, or at least it sounds that way to me.
10: Getting a hole-in-one while massively hungover causes it to lose some of its luster. Did I mention that I got a hole-in-one on Saturday?
11: No matter how shitty a guitar player you are, a room full of drunk Parrotheads will sing along and treat you like Clapton.
12: I absolutely, positively adore The Fetching Mrs. Crime Dog.
A half-century old. A half-century. Man, that's a long time.
