Thursday, February 22, 2007
The Sky Is Falling, The Sky Is Falling!
Today's paper says global warming is going to reduce the flow of the Colorado, worsen the drought, and cause water shortages. Maybe. I dunno. But I did have to laugh out loud a couple nights ago at one of Bill Maher's guests on Real Time . He commented on how global warming was melting the polar ice caps, and would cause the oceans to rise and drown us all.
Doubtful. See, the Arctic is all ice and no land mass. That means it's a gigantic ice cube floating atop an ocean. As I watched Maher, I sipped my Scotch on the rocks. The thought occurred to me that believing the Arctic ice cap would melt and drown us was a bit like believing my Scotch on the rocks would overflow when my ice melted. Not that I actually tested the theory. I managed to keep pace by drinking the Scotch.
I know, I know: "But Crime Dog, there is a land mass down there in Antarctica, and that's gotta play into the equation."
Maybe. I dunno. I know that over 97% of all the water on the planet is salt water. I also read somewhere that Antarctica holds 70% of the world's fresh water. That makes it a little better than 2% of all the world's water down there.....I think. I'm neither a math nor a science guy. So sue me.
Anyway, if even half that ice melts away, I can't imagine that a 1% rise in ocean levels is going to drown anybody. But what the hell do I know? It seems to me that global warming would cause more water evaporation, anyway, so there goes your 1%.
When I was a kid, we invented environmentalists. They didn't exist much before the 60's and Rachel Carson. This new breed of activist told us we were killing ourselves with DDT, and by 1980 we would no longer be able to breathe the air on this planet, we'd run out of water about the same time, nuclear plants would melt down, our landfills would overflow, our food sources would blow away, there would be wars over natural resources and our cities would become giant steaming heaps of garbage. OK, maybe I have to give them that last one. I've been to El Paso, after all.
None of that stuff happened. We made some changes and adjustments, and our air and water are cleaner now than any time since the industrial revolution. So, excuse me if I don't cower in fear under my desk waiting for the rising waters to engulf me. We'll figger it all out as we go.
I hereby submit The Crime Dog Plan For Global Warming: Put on more sun block. Grow food in Montana instead of Imperial Valley. Then, build some big-ass tanker ships, send them down there to Antarctica, load them up with all that water melting off the ice cap, bring it back down here, and dump it in the Colorado River. Problem solved.
Glad I could help.
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Doubtful. See, the Arctic is all ice and no land mass. That means it's a gigantic ice cube floating atop an ocean. As I watched Maher, I sipped my Scotch on the rocks. The thought occurred to me that believing the Arctic ice cap would melt and drown us was a bit like believing my Scotch on the rocks would overflow when my ice melted. Not that I actually tested the theory. I managed to keep pace by drinking the Scotch.
I know, I know: "But Crime Dog, there is a land mass down there in Antarctica, and that's gotta play into the equation."
Maybe. I dunno. I know that over 97% of all the water on the planet is salt water. I also read somewhere that Antarctica holds 70% of the world's fresh water. That makes it a little better than 2% of all the world's water down there.....I think. I'm neither a math nor a science guy. So sue me.
Anyway, if even half that ice melts away, I can't imagine that a 1% rise in ocean levels is going to drown anybody. But what the hell do I know? It seems to me that global warming would cause more water evaporation, anyway, so there goes your 1%.
When I was a kid, we invented environmentalists. They didn't exist much before the 60's and Rachel Carson. This new breed of activist told us we were killing ourselves with DDT, and by 1980 we would no longer be able to breathe the air on this planet, we'd run out of water about the same time, nuclear plants would melt down, our landfills would overflow, our food sources would blow away, there would be wars over natural resources and our cities would become giant steaming heaps of garbage. OK, maybe I have to give them that last one. I've been to El Paso, after all.
None of that stuff happened. We made some changes and adjustments, and our air and water are cleaner now than any time since the industrial revolution. So, excuse me if I don't cower in fear under my desk waiting for the rising waters to engulf me. We'll figger it all out as we go.
I hereby submit The Crime Dog Plan For Global Warming: Put on more sun block. Grow food in Montana instead of Imperial Valley. Then, build some big-ass tanker ships, send them down there to Antarctica, load them up with all that water melting off the ice cap, bring it back down here, and dump it in the Colorado River. Problem solved.
Glad I could help.
