Thursday, June 29, 2006
Palmetto Bugs, My Ass
Seems I'm not the only Blogger telling critter stories these days. Our good phriend over at Estranged Love had a close encounter with a Palmetto bug. If you're unfamiliar with that particular species, you aren't alone. See, I've lived in South Carolina, Mississippi. and Florida, so I've encountered my share of palmetto bugs. But if you haven't visited or lived down south - especially Florida - you have no way of knowing that "palmetto bug" is a pseudonym, a colloquialism of sorts. I'll call them by their real name:
Giant Flying Cockroaches.
These bad boys would eat our Arizona cockroaches as appetizers. I met my first one in Biloxi, MS back in '73. I was a GI, and kept my dirty laundry in my GI green laundry bag like everybody else. I reached in one day to pull my stuff out to throw in the wash, not knowing that a Giant Flying Cockroach had taken up residence inside. This big, brown bastard came running out of the bag and right up my arm. It must have been 4" long, and scared the living shit out of me. I sent him straight to Giant Flying Cockroach Hell, and learned to always dump out my laundry bag, not empty it by hand.
In '78, we ended up in Crestview, FL, living in a little apartment. We'd only been there a short while when one night, while TFMCD and I were watching TV, a bird flew through our living room and into the kitchen. At least, we thought it was a bird. It was, of course, a Giant Flying Cockroach. I chased him down and ended his worthless life, then kept the body to show to the landlord the next day.
He was unimpressed, being a native of L.A. (Lower Alabama):
"Why, that ain't nuthin'. Just a lil' ol' wood roach."
That isn't a "lil' ol'" ANYTHING! It tried to eat my dog.
"Aaaah! You got nuthin' to worry 'bout. It's when you got them lil' ol' bitty ones that you got a problem."
He assured me that having "wood roaches" or "palmetto bugs"was not a reflection of one's cleanliness, just bad luck. I went out and bought a shotgun. There isn't enough Raid in the world to kill those things.
Ugly bastards. Oh well. At least we didn't have vinegarones. Giant Flying Cockroaches look downright cute next to those nasty sumbitches. In fact, these guys eat cockroaches for a living. Yeesh.
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Giant Flying Cockroaches.
These bad boys would eat our Arizona cockroaches as appetizers. I met my first one in Biloxi, MS back in '73. I was a GI, and kept my dirty laundry in my GI green laundry bag like everybody else. I reached in one day to pull my stuff out to throw in the wash, not knowing that a Giant Flying Cockroach had taken up residence inside. This big, brown bastard came running out of the bag and right up my arm. It must have been 4" long, and scared the living shit out of me. I sent him straight to Giant Flying Cockroach Hell, and learned to always dump out my laundry bag, not empty it by hand.
In '78, we ended up in Crestview, FL, living in a little apartment. We'd only been there a short while when one night, while TFMCD and I were watching TV, a bird flew through our living room and into the kitchen. At least, we thought it was a bird. It was, of course, a Giant Flying Cockroach. I chased him down and ended his worthless life, then kept the body to show to the landlord the next day.
He was unimpressed, being a native of L.A. (Lower Alabama):
"Why, that ain't nuthin'. Just a lil' ol' wood roach."
That isn't a "lil' ol'" ANYTHING! It tried to eat my dog.
"Aaaah! You got nuthin' to worry 'bout. It's when you got them lil' ol' bitty ones that you got a problem."
He assured me that having "wood roaches" or "palmetto bugs"was not a reflection of one's cleanliness, just bad luck. I went out and bought a shotgun. There isn't enough Raid in the world to kill those things.
Ugly bastards. Oh well. At least we didn't have vinegarones. Giant Flying Cockroaches look downright cute next to those nasty sumbitches. In fact, these guys eat cockroaches for a living. Yeesh.
