Thursday, June 01, 2006
My Lip Was Fat Before That Happened, Anyway
This past weekend, we were at this clean, though poorly maintained motel in Anaheim. OK, poorly is too flattering. This place hasn't seen paint or any other upkeep in 25 years. Anyway, it was time to head out to the beach for some sunshine and frisbee chucking.We were on the second floor, and someone had left out an orange cone on the staircase landing to mark a puddle of water, or maybe a gaping hole in the floor. I was still on the upper landing, and Miss J was heading down the stairs, so I thought I'd give her a good scare. I would use the cone like a megaphone, leaning way over the railing as she headed down, and giving her a good R-R-ROAR! while her back was turned. I grabbed the cone as everyone else watched my little show, trotted over when Miss J reached about the 4th step down, then put the cone down to my mouth and quickly threw my head over the railing to catch her unawares.
Problem was, I didn't throw my head far enough. The end of the cone hit the bannister. My head was still moving quickly toward its intended target and, physics being what it is, my mouth rammed into the small end of the cone. It hurt like a bastard and split my lip open, causing me to shout obscenities rather than a R-R-ROAR. Miss J heard the commotion above her and looked up as if to say "Just what the hell is your problem?"
I spent the next several minutes attempting vainly to get my lip to stop bleeding while simultaneously withstanding the delighted laughter and taunts of ZMan and Mateo. TFMCD had a good laugh as well, and did that thing where she shakes her head as though to say "You're hopeless, but I love you anyway." There have been a lot of those head shakes over the past 30+ years, I can tell you.
So, I went to the beach with a perma-snarl. Made me look a little like Elvis, or maybe a stroke victim, I'm not sure which. But my secret is that I meant to do that. It was a little orchestrated slapstick for my family's enjoyment. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
|
Problem was, I didn't throw my head far enough. The end of the cone hit the bannister. My head was still moving quickly toward its intended target and, physics being what it is, my mouth rammed into the small end of the cone. It hurt like a bastard and split my lip open, causing me to shout obscenities rather than a R-R-ROAR. Miss J heard the commotion above her and looked up as if to say "Just what the hell is your problem?"
I spent the next several minutes attempting vainly to get my lip to stop bleeding while simultaneously withstanding the delighted laughter and taunts of ZMan and Mateo. TFMCD had a good laugh as well, and did that thing where she shakes her head as though to say "You're hopeless, but I love you anyway." There have been a lot of those head shakes over the past 30+ years, I can tell you.
So, I went to the beach with a perma-snarl. Made me look a little like Elvis, or maybe a stroke victim, I'm not sure which. But my secret is that I meant to do that. It was a little orchestrated slapstick for my family's enjoyment. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
