Wednesday, May 03, 2006
Ask The Crime Dog
People approach me all the time, seeking information and enlightenment. I don't really know why. Maybe it's my Harvard degree (Eastern New Mexico Branch), or perhaps all the professional but meaningless designations that follow my name on a business card. Maybe it's my friendly face, or just that I know a lot of stuff about unimportant shit.
So, for the sake of edifying, educating, and uplifting the masses, I shall today ad from time to time post intelligent and insightful answers to some of life's critical questions. For example:
Hey, Crime Dog, what are the lyrics to "Louie, Louie?"
Hey, Crime Dog, if all the passengers on a 747 carried bowling balls in flight, and they all tossed them into the air at the same time, would the sudden weight decrease cause the plane to spin out of control?
Hey, Crime Dog, why do women's shirts button on the opposite side of man's shirts?
Hey, Crime Dog, did Jimmy Buffett ever pay the Mini-Mart back?
Hey, Crime Dog, how come gas stations put that stupid "9/10" on their prices?
So, if you have a question that's bothering you so, just let the ol' Crime Dog know. I'm here to help. Hit me with your best shot.
P.S. That "9/10" thing? Gas pump computers are designed to round up when calculating price, so The Man sticks it to you one more time. Your purchase of five gallons of gas at $2.999 per gallon should cost you $14.995. Since we don't have half-pennies, the pump rounds the price up to $15.00. That turns into an assload of money when you're selling hundreds of thousands of gallons per month.
See? Now you have one less thing to keep you awake at night.
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So, for the sake of edifying, educating, and uplifting the masses, I shall today ad from time to time post intelligent and insightful answers to some of life's critical questions. For example:
Hey, Crime Dog, what are the lyrics to "Louie, Louie?"
Hey, Crime Dog, if all the passengers on a 747 carried bowling balls in flight, and they all tossed them into the air at the same time, would the sudden weight decrease cause the plane to spin out of control?
Hey, Crime Dog, why do women's shirts button on the opposite side of man's shirts?
Hey, Crime Dog, did Jimmy Buffett ever pay the Mini-Mart back?
Hey, Crime Dog, how come gas stations put that stupid "9/10" on their prices?
So, if you have a question that's bothering you so, just let the ol' Crime Dog know. I'm here to help. Hit me with your best shot.
P.S. That "9/10" thing? Gas pump computers are designed to round up when calculating price, so The Man sticks it to you one more time. Your purchase of five gallons of gas at $2.999 per gallon should cost you $14.995. Since we don't have half-pennies, the pump rounds the price up to $15.00. That turns into an assload of money when you're selling hundreds of thousands of gallons per month.
See? Now you have one less thing to keep you awake at night.
