Friday, December 02, 2005
Things For An Old Parrothead To Ponder....
1) Costco sells coffins. I'll buy just about anything at Costco, but a coffin? At least you can now be buried with one of those huge bags of trail mix with the M&Ms in it.
2) A mall in New York has banned a bunch of septuagenarian chess players. Officials say they hog up the food court and are too loud. Seventy year old chess players are too rowdy for the mall? What are they, "Hell's Geezers"?
3) Vince Vaughn got pulled over by Scottsdale cops on suspicion of drunk driving. Turns out he had Jennifer Aniston in the car. I wonder if she was a Stage Five Clinger?
4) A 50-year-old California man who lives with his Mom has been accused of killing a transvestite prostitute with a hoe. I wonder if....nah, nevermind. This one's too easy. There's no sport in making fun of it.
5) A New Hampshire man named Ronald McDonald has been accused of robbing a safe. At a Wendy's. He and The Hamburgler are most likely going to end up as ass monkeys at the county lockup.
6) And finally, there's a new sleep disorder available now. It's called sexsomnia. A guy in Canada (Where else?) was acquitted of sexual assault charges on the grounds he did it while suffering from sexsomnia. People afflicted with this hideous malady have sex while sleeping. That's nothing new, now is it? Husbands have been accusing wives of that for centuries.
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2) A mall in New York has banned a bunch of septuagenarian chess players. Officials say they hog up the food court and are too loud. Seventy year old chess players are too rowdy for the mall? What are they, "Hell's Geezers"?
3) Vince Vaughn got pulled over by Scottsdale cops on suspicion of drunk driving. Turns out he had Jennifer Aniston in the car. I wonder if she was a Stage Five Clinger?
4) A 50-year-old California man who lives with his Mom has been accused of killing a transvestite prostitute with a hoe. I wonder if....nah, nevermind. This one's too easy. There's no sport in making fun of it.
5) A New Hampshire man named Ronald McDonald has been accused of robbing a safe. At a Wendy's. He and The Hamburgler are most likely going to end up as ass monkeys at the county lockup.
6) And finally, there's a new sleep disorder available now. It's called sexsomnia. A guy in Canada (Where else?) was acquitted of sexual assault charges on the grounds he did it while suffering from sexsomnia. People afflicted with this hideous malady have sex while sleeping. That's nothing new, now is it? Husbands have been accusing wives of that for centuries.
