Wednesday, January 26, 2005
Sellouts, Bad Water, Drunks, Liars, and Scalpers
Would you like your water with or without particulate matter?
Phoenix radio station KEZ (99.9) reported this morning that Jimmy's concert at Cricket Pavilion sold out completely in, I dunno, like 17 minutes. That's some kind of arena record, or something. Now, I know what you're thinking: No, I don't listen to that station. Never. Really. I swear. I heard about it from Vivian. I prefer a station with more music and less endless, annoying yammering from the hosts.
So, the Phoenix water supply has gone south. Who's running this place, Norman Paperman? Hey, Mr. Mayor, dontcha know you gotta play by Kinja Rules?
I see the First Lady of the United States (FLOTUS) has been charged with DUI. Yes, Abigail Bartlett blew a .12 on the Hollywood Freeway. Damned liberal. Instead of staying home to help Jed with his MS, she's out partying. Probably doing shots with Michael Moore.
Speaking of the "Big Fat Stupid White Man," what the heck happened? Fahrenheit 911 got shut out by Oscar! Even Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ picked up a couple of nominations. Religion might be in the hands of some crazy-ass people, but it trumps Moore.
The AP is reporting that some guy from Nebraska offered his forehead on EBay as advertising space. He got $37,375. Genius. Wish I'd thought of that. My forehead's gotta be worth ten times his. He can fit maybe four words up there, I have room for a freakin' billboard on my dome. Maybe Corona Beer can put an ad up there in exchange for a couple of those front row seats at Cricket Pavilion. Gives a whole new meaning to "scalping," doesn't it?
