Tuesday, January 25, 2005
Update From The Command Post
Who doesn't like the lawn section, anyhow?
I love being right. Almost prophetic! I mean, it happens so seldom.....
Tickets for the Phoenix show went on sale at 10:00AM yesterday, and that's when I logged on to Ticketmaster. Exactly. See, I know that, because I have one of those cool digital clocks on my wall, the kind that shows your date, time, temperature, and blood-alcohol content. This clock escapes me. It actually talks to some other clock somewhere through some kind of an antenna thing, and gets the exact time from some satellite floating in outer space in some geo-whatchamacallit orbit, so it's exactly dead-solid-perfect all the time. Yeah, right. And I hear universal laughter ringing out among the stars. Anyway, I logged on at exactly 10:00AM, told the Ticketmaster website to SPARE NO EXPENSE! GET ME THE VERY BEST AVAILABLE SEATS! MONEY IS NO OBJECT! (Money is a huge, monolithic object, I just like to big-shot those fat cats over at Ticketmaster once in a while. It impresses 'em.) I hit "Look For Tickets," and got me a fresh time hack - 10:01:36AM. The computers linked up and started talking. Beep-beep-ba-beep, beep-beep-ba-beep, and BAM! Damn! Gotta enter that stupid contorted word you can barely read, so we can unite to defeat the bastard scalpers. No problem, I enter "FRIEBELVETZEN," and the search is complete at 10:02:27AM. Exactly. Best seats available? You guessed it. Lawn. No small wonder, considering you can find, for example, a set of tickets in section 100, Row 3, that went on sale on EBay at 10:00AM. And sold. For $779. Bastards. What's a Parrothead to do?
I read in the local birdcage liner today that the new CEO of Krispy Kreme will be earning $760 per hour. He could show up at 8:00, drink a cup of coffee, return a couple of phone calls, go home by 9:01, and have already earned enough coin to buy those scalp tickets straight up. And I bet he gets all the glazed donuts he wants, too.
