Monday, March 05, 2007
And The Horse You Rode In On
Actual transcript of a phone call received by the Crime Dog International Investigation and Boat Drink Headquarters today:
BRRRRIIINNNG!
Investigations, this is The Crime Dog.
Long pause...then a click. Big hint, that long pause and click.
Hello, Dan?
Nope, no Dan here. Wrong number.
"That's OK, Crime Dog. You can help me. My name is Annoying Twat, and I directly represent the Fraternal Order of Police."
(OK, so I don't remember the name she used. That one is close enough.)
They teach you that down there at the FOP, Annoying Twat?
"Teach me what?"
That little bait and switch you just ran by me.
"I'm not sure what you're referring to, Sir."
Now I'm "Sir"? A second ago we were on a first-name-basis. I thought we were friends.
"I'm just trying to be respectful."
If you want to be respectful, then hang up the goddam phone and don't call me again. We both know you don't directly represent the FOP. You're a contract telemarketer who couldn't spell "FOP" if I spotted you the "F" and the "O".
"Well! I, um...er...." CLICK!
Ah yes, the sweet sound of success.
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BRRRRIIINNNG!
Investigations, this is The Crime Dog.
Long pause...then a click. Big hint, that long pause and click.
Hello, Dan?
Nope, no Dan here. Wrong number.
"That's OK, Crime Dog. You can help me. My name is Annoying Twat, and I directly represent the Fraternal Order of Police."
(OK, so I don't remember the name she used. That one is close enough.)
They teach you that down there at the FOP, Annoying Twat?
"Teach me what?"
That little bait and switch you just ran by me.
"I'm not sure what you're referring to, Sir."
Now I'm "Sir"? A second ago we were on a first-name-basis. I thought we were friends.
"I'm just trying to be respectful."
If you want to be respectful, then hang up the goddam phone and don't call me again. We both know you don't directly represent the FOP. You're a contract telemarketer who couldn't spell "FOP" if I spotted you the "F" and the "O".
"Well! I, um...er...." CLICK!
Ah yes, the sweet sound of success.
