Friday, January 27, 2006
Man, Could I Use A Charka Alignment
I got a lot of windshield time yesterday driving all over the Valley of the Sun on the job, from Gilbert to southwest Phoenix, back up to Deer Valley, down to Central Phoenix, yada yada. To break the monotony of driving, I decided in the afternoon that I would make a note of every stupid thing I heard or saw for the rest of the day, and that would be my getaway Friday blog. Here's the top five:
5. Some strange far left organization plans to make so much noise with car horns, stereos, musical instruments and the like during Bush's State of The Union speech next week that they will drown him out and force him to step down from the Presidency. This is, of course, because he lied about Iraq blah blah and wants to spy on US citizens blah blah. As if that isn't naively stupid enough, the spokesperson on the radio said she was an avowed revolutionary communist. Aren't these the dudes who have killed millions of their own, and then spied on the rest and put them in concentration camps? I'm guessing I'm going to hear Bush's speech just fine over at my house. That is, if I don't find something more interesting to do, like clean the pool.
4. Overheard in a convenience store, between the Coke guy and the Frito guy as they stocked shelves:
Coke Guy: Dude. What are you doing for the Super Bowl?
Frito Guy: Workin', dude. Super Bowl is Frito Lay's biggest holiday.
Must be pure Hell for the Miller Light guy.
3. At the scene of a stolen vehicle recovery in an alley at 28th Street and Washington (Probably the worst neighborhood in all Phoenix), I saw a picnic table in this backyard, under an awning. Seated at the picnic table were two people playing cards. On closer inspection, it turned out they were two mannequins playing cards. I asked the guy why he had two mannequins playing cards in his backyard. He says, "It freaks out the burglars."
And to think I wasted a fortune on an alarm system.
2. I heard an ad on the radio for something called "Lunesta." It's a drug that’s supposed to help you sleep. Listed as an undesirable side effect? Drowsiness.
That's why I'll stick to Jack Daniels as my primary cure for insomnia.
1) And my favorite of the day: At 35th Avenue and Greenway, there's a psychic who has set up shop. Among the posters in the window was one that read Charka Balancing
I'll be the first to admit I'm no expert on that bullshit, but I'm pretty sure it's spelled Chakra . I'll also be the first to admit that if you look long enough, you'll find typos in Parrothead Ramblings. But I think that I'd be smart enough, especially if was a freakin' psychic, to catch that one before it was pasted to a window at the front of my office.
Perhaps I have judged hastily. Perhaps this is highly specialized psychic: A Psychic To The Dyslexic. Or would that be Pyschic?
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?
A: A guy who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.
Have a great weekend, everybody!
P.S. Late addendum: I may have been wrong on this whole “Charka” thing. It turns out a charka is an obsolete Russian unit of liquid measurement. Only a fool would not have known that a charka is equal to two shkaliks, and five charkas make one butylka. It follows, of course, that two butylkas is a shtof. A shtof, being two bottles of vodka, equals a party. And now, without further adieu, I’m off to have myself a charka or two of beer.
Maybe that psychic is on to something……..
|
5. Some strange far left organization plans to make so much noise with car horns, stereos, musical instruments and the like during Bush's State of The Union speech next week that they will drown him out and force him to step down from the Presidency. This is, of course, because he lied about Iraq blah blah and wants to spy on US citizens blah blah. As if that isn't naively stupid enough, the spokesperson on the radio said she was an avowed revolutionary communist. Aren't these the dudes who have killed millions of their own, and then spied on the rest and put them in concentration camps? I'm guessing I'm going to hear Bush's speech just fine over at my house. That is, if I don't find something more interesting to do, like clean the pool.
4. Overheard in a convenience store, between the Coke guy and the Frito guy as they stocked shelves:
Coke Guy: Dude. What are you doing for the Super Bowl?
Frito Guy: Workin', dude. Super Bowl is Frito Lay's biggest holiday.
Must be pure Hell for the Miller Light guy.
3. At the scene of a stolen vehicle recovery in an alley at 28th Street and Washington (Probably the worst neighborhood in all Phoenix), I saw a picnic table in this backyard, under an awning. Seated at the picnic table were two people playing cards. On closer inspection, it turned out they were two mannequins playing cards. I asked the guy why he had two mannequins playing cards in his backyard. He says, "It freaks out the burglars."
And to think I wasted a fortune on an alarm system.
2. I heard an ad on the radio for something called "Lunesta." It's a drug that’s supposed to help you sleep. Listed as an undesirable side effect? Drowsiness.
That's why I'll stick to Jack Daniels as my primary cure for insomnia.
1) And my favorite of the day: At 35th Avenue and Greenway, there's a psychic who has set up shop. Among the posters in the window was one that read Charka Balancing
I'll be the first to admit I'm no expert on that bullshit, but I'm pretty sure it's spelled Chakra . I'll also be the first to admit that if you look long enough, you'll find typos in Parrothead Ramblings. But I think that I'd be smart enough, especially if was a freakin' psychic, to catch that one before it was pasted to a window at the front of my office.
Perhaps I have judged hastily. Perhaps this is highly specialized psychic: A Psychic To The Dyslexic. Or would that be Pyschic?
Q: What do you get when you cross an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?
A: A guy who lies awake at night wondering if there really is a Dog.
Have a great weekend, everybody!
P.S. Late addendum: I may have been wrong on this whole “Charka” thing. It turns out a charka is an obsolete Russian unit of liquid measurement. Only a fool would not have known that a charka is equal to two shkaliks, and five charkas make one butylka. It follows, of course, that two butylkas is a shtof. A shtof, being two bottles of vodka, equals a party. And now, without further adieu, I’m off to have myself a charka or two of beer.
Maybe that psychic is on to something……..
